To See The World in a Grain of Sand

Happy New Year!

2012-01-01T06:55:00.000-08:00

Ah, the annual New-Year's-Day, Yes-I'm-Still-Alive Post.

I have a new apartment, one that makes me feel like I'm at home. I haven't felt "at home" in a place since moving into my very first apartment at age 17, so this is unusual and fascinating. I moved in November — in fact, the last box was packed on Saturday of Thanksgiving weekend — and things are still chaotic as I sort through things I've kept too long and need to go and slowly make purchases I'd long postponed. (What can I say? I'm not sure why the latest Laurie R. King novel is more important than a set of place mats, but there you have it. Priorities.)

When I was working as a travel writer, I found a huge difference in the character of cities I visited, and I always loved that. In Los Angeles, when I buzzed around town, the neighborhoods had varying flavors, but they all were imbued with a quality that always felt like L.A.. Perhaps it was because I grew up there; perhaps I simply didn't live in enough neighborhoods sufficiently different from each other. I think it had to do with the infrastructure of the city itself, because every once in awhile if I drove through the canyons or hills, there was the feeling of being somewhere else.

In any case, the neighborhood of the new apartment is as different from the old neighborhood as Santa Monica from Death Valley, and it's been tremendously healing for my state of mind. I haven't had a television (or a microwave) since moving and cell phone service is spotty, so the pace of life is quite a bit slower. I don't have more time, but I'm using my time differently, and my mental real estate has shifted. I'm thinking about different things. I'm feeling more contented.

Relationships have changed. I've grown closer to some people and farther from others, both geographically and emotionally.

Some things are same as they ever were: I'm still hip deep in hypnosis as a profession, hobby, obsession, and lifestyle; I still love writing, books, movies (my genre preferences haven't changed, either); still love church (although there I'm in flux again); winter still isn't my favorite time of year (although it and I have come to détente). Still writing (although obviously not here).

Wishing everyone a terrific day, month, and year. May all the changes bring you closer to your dreams. I don't know what 2012 is going to hold for me (I'm a hypnotist, Jim — not a psychic), but it's going to be good.

Great examples of real hypnosis you can use

2010-05-07T12:09:00.000-07:00

If you have ever wondered what hypnosis is really like, the Hypnosis World Summit is a terrific site, and you owe it to yourself to check it out. It's probably most useful for people who have no clue about what hypnosis is, but there are some real gems for experienced hypnotists. For one week, featured hypnotists from around the country talk about some of the things hypnosis can help with, and many include a microsession in their talks, so you can close your eyes and experience a sample hypnotic process. There are male and female hypnotists, fast and slow inductions, all sorts of processes, and the topics range from the common (e.g., losing weight, improving sports performance, & gaining confidence) to the more unusual. Two or three talks are presented each day; after that, they are removed from the site (although they are being compiled for release on disc). So far, I've been very impressed. I'm grateful to Tom Nicoli for putting this together.

It only took four-plus decades

2009-12-23T10:37:00.000-08:00

I have this hate/hate relationship with winter.

Kenny Mackenzie once told me something that really helps during these winter months. He told me what he loved about winter: Coming home after school or work to a warm house, peeling off the wet, cold, clothes, and getting into warm, dry clothes. Growing up in So Cal, I didn't have that experience often enough to make it a powerful resource for me, but Kenny's description was so vivid (I can still hear his thick Scottish accent rolling the R's in warm and dry, and see him rubbing his hands together with a big smile on his face, eyes bright), that bringing that memory to mind always makes me feel toasty.

Which just goes to show you don't have to have the experience yourself. If you want to do something, find someone who's good at it and ask them how they do it. This works, whether it's becoming a morning person, loving exercise, or getting through winter without throwing yourself off one of the 12 beautiful bridges Portland conveniently supplies for such purposes.

I've found something else that helps me get through winter: hand lotion. Over my lifetime, I've tried just about every aloe, shea, cocoa, lanolin concoction out there. Vasoline with gloves. Mary Kay. Avon. Curel. Ecucerin. From 99 cents to 18.99, I've tried them. Don't email me your solutions. Maybe it works for you. For me, six weeks past Halloween, my hands feel like pet horny toads. (Pacific Northwesterners: Look it up. Adorable in a way only a desert-rat could love.)

So this year, I did what I always do. I got on the Internet. And bless those consumers at Makeupalley.com, they came through for me.

Corn Husker's Lotion. My grandmother kept a bottle of the stuff ("That's the ugliest bottle I've ever seen," said a friend) under the bathroom sink. I can't remember her ever slathering that goop on me. But boy, howdy, Corn Husker's Lotion did in three days what weeks and weeks and weeks of nothing else could.

It's cheap and ugly and my hands feel like a five-year-old's. I swear, I feel like I've found the fountain of youth.

Matthew Gray Gubler - the knot at the end of the rope

2009-12-18T18:12:00.000-08:00

On Facebook, there's this "Become a Fan" feature that I've been invited to use, but I've avoided. I've been a fan of TV series, books, and movies, but I wouldn't describe myself as a fan of people. I feel a little uncomfortable putting people on pedestals; but I feel terrific about putting their works up there: the works are campfires where I can sit around with other fans, toasting marshmallows, telling jokes, and obsessing over minutiae until two in the morning. When I say I'm a Stephen King fan, I mean I'm a fan of his work; I'll read anything the man writes. I've rarely thought of myself as a "fan" of an actor, although there are actors I like a lot.

Until now. What can I say? Desperation makes me vulnerable. You know the saying about coming to the end of your rope: Tie a knot and hang on. If you can climb up above the knot and turn it into a swing, so much the better.

When I was a kid in elementary school, I loved getting A's. It was a game. When one of my teachers lectured on how to study effectively - eliminate all distractions, turn off the TV and radio, etc. - I immediately started doing my homework with the radio or record player on, because I wanted more of a challenge. If it was harder to study with noise in the background, I was going to have noise, dammit.

So I've long, long had the habit of putting the TV on in the background for white noise. And to this day, if I'm reading a book or writing, you practically have to whack me to get my attention. I have a terrific ability to tune out auditory stimuli.

I still prefer to have some background noise while I work (unless the work involves numbers). Maybe it comes from living in L.A. most of my life, or from working in companies with cubicle activity humming around me, or maybe just from practice/habit. To fit the bill, background noise has to be something I like, but have seen or heard before or don't really have an interest in closely attending to.

I couldn't have known what a big, big mistake I'd made when I was channel surfing for some suitable background noise about two months ago and heard Mandy Patinkin's wonderful voice. And stopped. I mean, Patinkin is safe, right? Familiar, I like him, I can tune him out. I've seen most of what he's done, with the exception of Sunday in the Park With George. I can set my subconscious to perk up at my favorite parts of whatever this is.

Well, I should have kept right on surfing, because I'd never seen whatever this was. Right off, that made it an unsuitable selection. Change the channel, De Lude.

But -- Mandy Patinkin! I could happily listen to him recite the phone book. Maybe it was a movie. Oooo... Maybe he'd sing!

Wrong, wrong, wrong. It was about detectives. And they looked grim. Odds are: no singing.

But -- I love detectives.

They're interesting. Change the channel.

That's okay. I can still tune it out. I just gotta focus.

At the commercial, I find out it's a series. A series? A weekly series? I get a weekly dose of Patinkin's voice? Oh, no. This is awful! I mean, it's great! I mean... crap. I hit the INFO button on the remote control to find out what this is. It is...

It is an unmitigated disaster. Reruns of a series I have never heard of but has been around long enough to be running three episodes a night on A&E. Now we've moved totally out of the land of BACKGROUND NOISE and into the geography of TIME SINK. *headdesk*

Fortunately, Mandy Patinkin leaves the show 30 minutes later. Seriously. The episodes are being shown out of order, with no discernible pattern. I look at the schedule and learn that over the next few nights, Part I of a two-part arc airs, but Part II of the arc appears nowhere on the schedule. Not tonight, not tomorrow, not ever.

I am annoyed and relieved. There is no way I'm going to get any entertainment satisfaction out of non-sequential episode broadcasts. They offend my sense of narrative. Time-sink threat neutralized, the show takes on background-noise status once again. Without Patinkin, and being broadcast out of order, I don't really care.

But I can't screen it out 100 percent. Enough seeps through to know the stories and actors are compelling, and I wonder if they are on DVD so that I could watch them in order and actually, you know -- pay attention.

I get online to research. How many seasons are there? What are the backstories? What network did it debut on? Who produces this stuff? Who ARE these people? Aside from Patinkin, I don't recognize anyone.

I suppose this is where I should mention that my second (I think) winter in Portland shocked me into a pretty serious (albeit temporary) depression. I will not waste time elaborating, but this winter is the first since then (1994) that I've felt this tired, snappish, and on the cusp of hopeless.

Enter one of the actors in Criminal Minds (that's the show), Matthew Gray Gubler, who has a Web site, which became this year's answer to my please-god-let-the-solstice-arrive midwinter prayers. Gubler's site is quirky and cheerful, kind of like if David Lynch had been born a Muppet, or Ralph Steadman's style with Jim Henson's heart. Gubler handwrites his blog entries and scans them in (as a fountain pen and calligraphy lover, I find this endearing). He draws odd little creatures and makes funny noises. His brief documentary of The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou cracks me up, and his unauthorized autobiography episodes are horrifying and hilarious -- more Mamet than Muppet, but I watch anyway and wince and laugh.

I had to "Became a Fan" of Gublernation on Facebook. I suppose I'm easily amused. During these short, dark days, I think that's a good thing.

Things I'm Grateful For, 2009

2009-11-26T17:02:00.000-08:00

This list is in no particular order.

Onions, and whoever decided growing them would be a Good Idea.
Tom Stern, for introducing me to bread machines.
Kathleen Willems, for turning me on to Montreal food seasonings.
Tom Eiland, for proving that healthy is not synonymous with boring.
Tom Whitmore, for sharing the tradition of phoning people I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving. For being someone with whom I never, but never, have to turn on the inner censor.
Glenn Glazer, whose sense of humor is rivaled only by God's. (And whose sense of humor is far more palatable than God's.)
Lydia Marano and Art Cover. I don't think I could ever begin to express how deeply Dangerous Visions is rooted in who I am.
The patio of my grandparents' house, where I watched hummingbirds drink, hydrangeas flourish, and listened to Vin Scully's sportscasts of Dodger games.
Garbo and Cellophane, for sharing my life for 16 years (and counting).
Curtis Salgado, whose music saved my life. No joke.
Tyler Sperry, who knows me so well it's scary. For introducing me to NLP.
Martina Baker, the coolest and bestest sister in the universe.
The inventor of the VCR.
The guy who repaired my car when I was 19. I had nothing to put down but my word, and he took it.
John Hertz, dance teacher and conversationalist extraordinaire. For teaching me patience; that anything worth doing is worth doing badly at first; for teaching me about learning, standards, and patience. Oh, and did I mention patience?
Brad Linaweaver. It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. The pendulum swings. Ten lifetimes of friendship wouldn't be enough.
Bill Ritch's glorious voice and incomparable presence.
Anthony Bourdain. There's no better travel show. Or food show. And what a great voice.
Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak. I love my Mac.
St. Michael & All Angels Episcopal Church, for walking alongside me when my path coincided with theirs.
Waterfront Foursquare Church, for being the oasis after long wandering in the desert.

Revisiting Ariel, awaiting Elegy Beach

2009-10-25T19:13:00.000-07:00

I've been in autumn clean-up mode, and to make more efficient space in our apartment, I've been boxing up books I can't bear to part with but don't reread frequently. The books still on the shelves are, by and large, those I return to again and again, rereading them annually: Laurie R. King's Mary Russell series (Beekeeper's Apprentice is my favorite, but I usually end up rereading the whole series), Obsidian Butterfly (the only novel in the Anita Blake series I go back to again and again), and nonfiction reference books for hypnosis, writing, religion, and marketing.

A very few books remain on the shelves that I seldom read. Like lighthouses on a rock, they mark the contours of my life. Who I was. Why I am who I am.

So when Tyler Sperry alerted me that Steven R. Boyett's Ariel had ben reprinted, I had mixed emotions. First, I was thrilled. Steve is a terrific writer, Ariel is a terrific book, and to have it reprinted 20 years after its publication - well, that's incredible and wonderful. I felt disappointed, because I was sure I'd have to dig it out of a box. Why couldn't I have gotten the news just a little sooner?

It was right there on the bookshelf. I pulled it down and turned it over, wondering why I didn't box it. I don't think I've read it but once, when it was first published. Just touching again it awakened the emotions it carved into my heart all those years ago: wonder, love, and pain.

I wondered how it would hold up. I wondered if I dared read it again.

I did. It holds. It's a classic.

The language still takes my breath away. The smell of sweat and smoke, grass and peppermint, rise from the pages. Nothing is harder to write (or easier for me to skip) than a fight scene, and Ariel has a lot of them. Each reveals character and moves the story forward emotionally. I didn't skip a single one. The faerie-meets-mundane is one of my favorite fantasy sub-genres, and 20 years later, Boyett's vision remains fresh. I'd forgotten the humor. I'd forgotten George. I'd not forgotten how emotionally solid and true the book felt.

So why do I reread Ariel so seldom, when it's such a timeless, beautiful book? Why not pull it down every year or two, like Emma Bull's War for the Oaks?

It's those last couple of chapters. On my first reading, they seemed out of place, as though they belonged to a different book. They simply didn't seem to fit. Today, I feel less of that old disbelief than a melancholy resonance with my own endings - friends lost, loves dead, homes left behind. I read it now and whisper, "Of course; it couldn't have happened any other way," instead of, "Are you kidding me????"

What a gift! To find that a book I once loved and feared has grown with me. It's a testament to Boyett's mastery of craft that I fear Ariel less and love it more, that the laughter is still genuine and the pain walks hand-in-hand with wisdom. The promise of the sequel is tantalizing, because I never felt Pete and Ariel's story was finished. I'm eager for Elegy Beach.

Children's books banned in USA

2009-08-09T11:39:00.001-07:00

I keep telling myself this is a nightmare and I'll wake up soon.

Under the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act (CPSIA), products for children age 12 and under that contain lead cannot be distributed in the USA (sold, loaned, given - shared in any way). Books printed before 1985 may contain lead in the ink. Therefore, those books must be destroyed. Even libraries may have to comply (the Consumer Protection Agency has asked libraries to remove the books from circulation until the final ruling on libraries next year).

I am not making this up.

Read the Article in The New Atlantis. Or go to
Overlawyered and follow the progress of the Act.

Or just Google: children's books prior to 1985 lead ink.

The Act passed in August 2008 and went into effect in February this year. How could it have flown under the radar for so long? Why didn't I see an alert in the county library newsletter? in Willamette Week? the Oregonian? from Powell's? From my publisher or writer friends? Did Wordstock put people up in arms about this?

I think about the books I read and loved as a child; they helped shape my values, my character, my sense of humor... Many are probably still in print, but even so - to think that every copy printed before 1985 will be removed from bookshelves, tossed in a dumpster... and that this has already been going on for months... And what about those that are no longer in print?

Write your members of Congress. Donate to organizations that are fighting this.

Unbelievable.

Perfectionism

2009-06-21T08:12:00.000-07:00

Martha Cilley, the Flylady (author of Sink Reflections), teaches crazy-busy people to gain control of their cluttered homes. She says perfectionism is one of the biggest obstacles. If we can't do something in a way that meets our high standards, we put it off until we can do it right. But often, that time never seems to come, and the work piles up.

Cilley teaches baby steps. No matter where you are, you can do a little bit. You don't have to catch up. Just start where you are.

By chunking big jobs down into little steps, procrastination ceases and you start making progress. You get more done. And the more you do something, the better you get at it. The better you get, the faster the job goes. It's a "virtuous cycle." It's a great feeling.

Someone once said, "If at first you don't succeed, pick a smaller goal." My friend Lisa-Marie says, "Lower expectation, higher satisfaction."

Does this mean I shouldn't shoot for the stars? No way! Some goals are so big that to tackle them without breaking them into smaller chunks leads to frustration and discouragement. If I set mini-goals along the way and celebrate those achievements, I'm more likely to stay engaged and keep moving forward.

Boo!

2009-05-24T08:45:00.000-07:00

My sister and I were having dinner when she said, "Did you know the house we lived in was haunted?"

"The one on Hitchcock?" I asked.

"No, the one on Sierra Vista."

I laughed. That house was the stereotypical suburban 3-bedroom-2-kids-and-a-dog house with a spider plant in a macrame planter on the front porch. The creepiest thing I'd ever seen there were the Vincent Price movies I liked to watch on weekends. Haunted? Right.

"It was," she insisted. "Do you remember the remodel?"

My sister and I shared a bedroom until she was 7 or 8, and then my parents converted the playroom into her bedroom. I knew the playroom wasn't original to the house, but I don't remember it being added on.

My sister says remodeling increases paranormal activity. "The original owner was blind, and I used to see this man staggering around like he was drunk. He bumped into things because he didn't know where things were anymore. And he used to bumble into my room at night and grab my feet."

I stared at her. One night when I was about 10 or 11, I woke up screaming because someone had grabbed my feet. Hard. That experience became the mother of all nightmares - the one by which all others are measured. I've had some bad dreams in my life, but none but that one ever ended with the vivid physical sensation of being grabbed.

I told her about it. "But it was a dream," I said. "Mom told me it was just a bad dream."

"It wasn't," she said, delighted. "It was the ghost."

"But it never happened again," I said. "Just that one time."

"Did you believe her?"

I was silent. I hadn't, at first. But Mom kept repeating, "It was just a dream; go back to sleep." I argued tearfully, because I couldn't block out the memory of those hard hands clenched around my feet. It was so real. But mom said it was just a dream, the room was clearly empty, except for me, and the house was empty, except for my family. All the evidence pointed to "No one could have grabbed me." I decided dreams could be that vivid and seem that real.

My sister nodded, seeing the answer in my expression. "That's why it only happened once. You closed it out. That's probably why you've never had any paranormal experiences. You don't believe them and you don't want them."

In retrospect, I'm glad I closed out that particular belief: "Our house is haunted by a blind guy who wakes you up out of a sound sleep by grabbing your feet." Who needs that kind of thing when there's a math test in Mrs. Dunlop's class the next morning? Maybe I can attribute my good grades to good study habits, but maybe my good study habits were a result of being immune to spooky distractions!

My sister has always been sensitive to weird things, and I have typically been oblivious to them. But then, because of my copyediting experience, I can spot an italicized comma or a boldfaced period where most people can't. You find what you look for, and over time, you become more sensitive to certain types of information. Which means you notice it more often. Which means you're likely to believe there's more evidence for it than there actually is.

Do it badly!

2009-05-10T21:20:00.000-07:00

I once knew a sociologist who told me most innovations (scientific, creative, business) were made by people under age 30. What a sad statistic, I thought. Why? What happens to our brains as we age?

I think it's less about what happens to our brains and ore about what happens to our beliefs. As we get older, I think we tend to specialize. We get good at certain things and excel. We prize efficiency and become impatient with bumbling. Because trying new things means making mistakes, we try fewer new things. Most people don't like to make mistakes.

My dance teacher in Los Angeles, John Hertz, used to say, "Anything worth doing is worth doing badly." His words have resonated with me over the years. It took me five years of dancing once a month to learn to waltz without stepping on my own feet. I learned most from the better dancers: the ones who took the time to coach, and the ones who led by example and gave me something to strive for. I'm so grateful to the patient men who were willing to dance with a rank beginner. I know I slowed them down. My stumbling kept them from dancing at their highest level... at least, when they were dancing with me. But their examples inspire me to pass it on. When I'm paired with someone who doesn't have my experience, I remember their model of patience and kindness and do my best to come from that place.

As a rank beginner at dancing, my head sometimes filled with self-criticism. "I should be learning faster; I shouldn't be making those same mistakes by now; I should be more careful; I should concentrate more; I should relax more." At other times, I let go of the need to live up to anyone's expectations, and I found that place of persistence, curiosity, and experimentation that Richard Bandler describes as the attitude of a magician learning a trick: "That wasn't quite right; let me try it again."

Mistakes are part of learning. Good teachers support their students with patience and encouragement. Of course, there's also the challenge to improve, but correction is tempered by confidence in the student's ability. Where do we get the idea that we must do everything perfectly the first time, or if we don't get it right, we weren't meant to do it? That seems to me to be a discouraging approach.

Rewriting history

2009-04-19T07:54:00.000-07:00

I went to the library recently to pick up some books on hold for my sweetie. Among them was The Mote in God's Eye, a first-contact novel by Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle. I sat reading in the car for a bit, to see if I'd like it. I couldn't remember reading a Niven/Pournelle novel. They tend to write hard science fiction, and while I love hard science, I generally like to get it in short nonfiction articles rather than book-length works, and I haven't often found hard sf captivating.

The first few chapters kept me going, but I never reached that level of absorption where time seems suspended. Mote was interesting, but not impossible to put down. Maybe there were more characters than I could track; maybe I had trouble conjuring a mental image of the aliens; maybe I tried too hard to puzzle out the backstory (which I hadn't read); perhaps I was feeling impatient for the payoff of what seemed to me an overlong setup. Maybe a combination. I got halfway through the book before resorting to the Web for a synopsis.

Once I read the synopsis and knew how the story turned out, I was eager to get back to the book and finish reading it. (And, having finished it, I'm looking forward to reading the sequel.)

This started me thinking about "spoilers," the cheat sheets of popular media. You can find spoiler pages for TV shows, movies, books, games, you name it. Sometimes I don't want to be "spoiled." I want to come to a work fresh and open. I want the suspense to last for as long as the author can draw it out. I want to take my time as it unfolds.

At other times, spoilers renew my interest when it starts to flag. And once I've read a book, or seen a movie, what then? Well, I've read Pride & Prejudice and Atlas Shrugged and War for the Oaks and The Beekeeper's Apprentice about a bazillion times each, and each time, I love them more. Something new opens up, even in that familiar experience.

Life can be like that. Retrospect can reveal patterns imperceptible when I was in the thick of things. Imagining the ultimate results ahead can help me re-engage and can carry me forward.

And there's power in retelling the past, or telling it differently. If history is written by the victors, I possess the privilege of rewriting my own history. I can go back with a new perspective, emphasize different details, come to different conclusions, and change the lessons I learn to more empowering or entertaining ones.

No excuses!

2009-04-05T09:09:00.000-07:00

One of my personal heroes is a former boss who was a no-excuses kind of guy. He would ask for the most complicated meetings, with the most pie-in-the-sky schedule, and it was challenging. I couldn't always get everyone in the same room at the same time. I did my best given the information and resources I had, but I almost always saw room for improvement:

I could have started earlier.
I could have continued longer.
I could have called people at home.
I could have e-mailed people at home.
I could have tried contacting them through other channels.
I could have been more persistent, insistent, or annoying.
I could have delegated to others who had more influence.

What stopped me from doing those things? My own thoughts or beliefs. Typically, they fell into one of three categories:

1. What I've done is good enough. (I've got commitments from the key people, I've met the most important requirements, etc..)

2. It's not worth it. (Investing more effort would likely have diminishing returns; time or quality on another project would suffer.)

3. There will be another opportunity to achieve the outcome. (We can have another meeting for people who couldn't make the first one, or we can have one-on-one meetings or phone calls.)

Sometimes these beliefs were true. What I'd done was good enough. Investing more time or energy wasn't a good choice. Another opportunity did lie ahead. Sometimes they weren't true; they were excuses.

The significant point for me isn't whether the beliefs are true or not - that's secondary to the point that beliefs guide (or motivate) my actions. What I believe is always going to be more important than what's true.

I need to choose my beliefs carefully and be excruciatingly honest with myself.

Perfection isn't possible. No matter what I do, there's going to be room for improvement. The key questions for me are, "What do I want to achieve?" and "What beliefs will move me forward toward that?" and "Am I being honest with myself in those beliefs?"

Being clear about my goals helps me recognize the difference between an excuse and a change in priorities. A change in priorities keeps me moving forward. An excuse derails me. For instance, if my boss said, "Get these 15 people together for a meeting in two weeks," that's the assumed goal. If I couldn't do it because some people's schedules were already booked, I could say, "I can't do this." That's an excuse. But if I ask, "Which is more important: 100% attendance or the two-week time frame?" that's a change in priorities that keeps me moving forward. After all, the meeting itself isn't what's important; the meeting is just a strategy in service to some larger goal. Knowing the end goal means I can change my approach and keep on going.

Perseverence

2009-03-29T19:52:00.000-07:00

Staying on course comes from a combination of persistence and course correction.

I don't want to reward behavior that leads me away from my stated goal. Yet... when I'm going in a new direction, I'm going to fall short of my goals from time to time. If I fall short frequently, or by a large margin, I risk feeling discouraged to the point of despair and hopelessness. "I'm NEVER going to get it right!" It can be hard to remember at times that if I give it enough time, if I am consistent, if I try (that is, make the attempt) I will get there. If someone catches me in one of those moments of discouragement and tells me I'm throwing myself a pity party and get on with it already, girlfriend, I might feel even worse; withdraw, isolate, and cut myself off from others who have done it - who might give me encouragement and hope.

I think the word "try" gets a bad rap. I tried to waltz 500 times before I finally did it successfully. I tried to bake scones 50 times before I figured out how to do it consistently. People learn better when they are relaxed, curious, experimenting... Think about it - will you do better on a test in a quiet room where you can focus and concentrate, or with someone standing right behind you, looking over your shoulder, saying, "Are you sure that's right? Where did you get that answer? Aren't you done yet? You should know this! Haven't you learned this yet? What's your problem?"

Most people who are trying to [insert personal challenge here] have failed numerous times before. That critical, negative, inner voice is already turned up to HIGH VOLUME. What they need to build - to strengthen - is the "You can do it!" voice. The one that says, "The past does not equal the future. This time will be different. Keep going. You will get it. You will succeed."

Menopause, shmenopause

2009-03-22T21:12:00.000-07:00

This article, "71 Year Old Trainer a True Inspiration," may not be the final word on how we can age with grace, strength, and resilience... but it's one of the best words I've read in awhile.

May his memory be for a blessing

2009-03-13T11:06:00.000-07:00

I had never heard of Lee Lacey before his obituary appeared in the Sunday Oregonian. His is one of those life stories that makes you realize the reaches of the human spirit are more vast than we are often led to believe. He inspired many who needed inspiration. He brought people together despite horrendous obstacles. He worked persistantly on behalf the community he loved. My heart goes out to those who knew and loved him.

Epic adventure returns to PST

2009-01-11T20:36:00.000-08:00

I want to pass on an invitation to those folks interested in resilience, leadership, achievement in the face of adversity, and maybe even the miraculous. I reviewed this show when it debuted last year, and no words do it justice. I have no doubt it will sell out again. Since you already know what I think, I'll let the author and performer invite you himself. Lawrence Howard of Portland Story Theater wrote:

It is with great pleasure that I invite you to the return engagement of my one-man show, Shackleton's Antarctic Nightmare, opening for a run of two weekends in January. I will once again be telling the epic, true story of British Antarctic explorer Ernest Shackleton and the 1914 voyage of The Endurance.

Shackleton's dream of being the first man to traverse the Antarctic continent on foot became a nightmare when his valiant ship was trapped in the pack ice of the Weddell Sea and crushed by the pressure of the ice period. The tale of how he and the 27 men of the British Imperial Trans-Antarctic Expedition survived on the ice and eventually came to safety is one that has fascinated me for as long as I can remember. This story is especially important to me because my dad and I shared a life-long interest and passion for the Shackleton saga, and I like to weave a few threads about my father into the telling.

This is a story that speaks to something very deep and primal within the human psyche. It's about courage and fortitude and determination. It's about a glorious failure. It's a story that will renew your faith in the indomitable power of the human spirit.

"I had the pleasure of seeing your show with some friends this weekend. Exquisite! I have lived with the tale for 20 years and so hearing it again in the hands of a talented teller was a real treat!" Roderick Smith, 2008 audience member

"That was better than any book or movie or anything!" Eric Orem, 2008 audience member

All four performances of last year's run were sold out. Many who saw the show said they would come see it again; many who missed it have begged for a return engagement. Because there is so much general interest in the Shackleton story, this particular program appeals to an even wider audience that PST's regular, loyal storytelling fans. The Hipbone Studio venue seats a maximum of about 75 people, and I fully expect it to sell out for all four shows, as it did last year, so I encourage you to call or email and reserve your seats early.

Change or Die

2008-12-16T07:13:00.000-08:00

I loved Alan Deutschman's article "Change or Die" when it ran in Fast Company, and I love the book he expanded the article into: Change or Die: The Three Keys to Change in Work and in Life.

In 2004, Deutschman attended a conference to explore solutions to the world's biggest problems. A dream of experts who spoke on health care said, "A relatively small percentage of the population consumes the vast majority of the health-care budget for diseases that are very well known and by and large behavioral."

Smoking. Drinking. Eating unhealthily. Stress. Not enough exercise.

And only 1 in 10 given the "change or die" choice changed their behavior.

Deutschman spends the bulk of his book examining the components of successful change. It is possible to change the way you think, feel, and act. Deutschman identifies three motivators that don't work -- fear, facts, and force -- and three that do -- relationships, reframing, and repeating. He uses three major case studies and a number of others to illustrate these principles and describes how individuals and organizations can use these processes to make deep-seated, lasting changes.

In clear, practical language, Deutschman explains important tools for change:

Frames
Denial and other psychological defenses
Short-term wins
Community and culture
Acting as if
Recasting a life story
Walk the walk
The brain is plastic
The solution might be the problem

Giving people hope is far more important than giving them facts, says Deutschman. Then give them the skills they need and help them practice, practice, practice.

Nothing in the book is really groundbreaking (Deutschman himself points out that the patterns for successful change have been known for decades), and I think his model is simplistic at times, but that's part of what I enjoy about the book. Deutschman takes a range of change models and in clear, direct language synthesizes their mutual and most powerful elements in a practical handbook for change. For me, the real strength of Change or Die is that simplicity.

Steve's story

2008-12-08T07:06:00.001-08:00

In the September 2008 issue of The Journal of Hypnotism, there's a brilliant article by Stephen Greco in John Weir's column on "Enthusiastic Professionalism."

Steve was 22 years old when he awoke one morning with a tiny blind spot in his right eye that quickly grew until he was 80 percent blind in that eye. The doctors did tests, diagnosed probable multiple sclerosis, and asked if he had any tingling or numbness in his limbs. He became watchful for those symptoms, which soon manifested. Steve had been avoiding further tests, but when is arms became weak, he called the doctor.

"Both arms?" asked the doctor.

"Yes," said Steve.

"It's usually one arm at a time," said the doctor.

Immediately, Steve says, his life changed. He thought, "If he had told me that it was going to be one arm at a time, it would have been." The power of suggestion had done a number on him.

Steve began to systematically dismantle all the negative suggestions he'd been given (and had been giving himself!) and within two weeks, his eyesight returned to normal.

I tell this story to people to illustrate the power of expectation, suggestion, and belief. What we expect tends to be realized.

But often, people respond to this story with disbelief and analysis. "You mean it was all in his head?" As though it were imaginary blindness. As though somehow an illness created by the mind were less measurable by objective standards.

In 1982, in my home town of Monterey Park, California, a few people fell mildly ill at a high school football game and after being questioned by authorities, an announcement was made that no one should drink any soft drinks because of suspected contamination. Immediately, the stands were filled with fainting, retching people. One hundred and ninety-one persons were hospitalized.

There was nothing wrong with the soda. It was a case of "mass hysteria," which does not mean symptoms were imaginary. It means the symptoms were stimulated by mental processes instead of physical ones.

Many people think "in the mind" means "not real." Steve's story makes clear this isn't the case at all. Placebos operate on the same principle. Recovery after taking a placebo doesn't mean the illness was imagined or the recovery was imagined.

I once had a severely sprained ankle just days before I was supposed to drive to Seattle (with a standard transmission). I was desperate to go. I used a hypnotic process and the swelling and discoloration subsided enough that I could drive. (I once had a person look at me skeptically and say, "You'll forgive me if I don't believe you." Sure, dude. No problem. For me.)

Everything starts in the mind. Whatever you're sitting on -- started as an idea. The computer you're typing on. The TV programs you watch, the books you read, the people you interact with -- all a product of thought. Change your mind and change your life!

Is it real, or is it satisfying?

2008-12-02T20:02:00.000-08:00

The brain can't tell the difference between a real experience and one that is vividly, fully imagined.

That's right. The brain processes the thoughts identically. Especially in hypnosis, when a person is told they're hearing a sound, the same part of their brain lights up on an fMRI as when they're actually hearing the sound.

In the June 2008 issue of The Journal of Hypnotism, Richarde Harte, FNGH, OB, in his column "The Heart of Hypnosis," writes about how he lost weight by satisfying cravings with hypnosis.

As a pizza aficianado, he had put on some pounds. There was a yummy pizza take-out joint near his office, and after stopping in (too frequently) for a quick and easy lunch, he'd gained a belly more suited to Santa than a hypnotist.

So he began eating a hypno-pizza whenever he got a craving. Dropped himself into a trance, imagined eating a delicious slice of pizza, slowly savoring every bite, amplifying the experience to a high level of satisfaction, and then, when he was done, ate a salad.

He lost weight and didn't deprive himself.

It works with other stuff, too. Smoking, desserts, morning coffee... give it a try! The key is a vivid, fully imagined experience, with lots of sensory details. Take your time. Let me know how it goes.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-27T09:01:00.000-08:00

It's Thanksgiving morning in the USA, and in Portland, Oregon, it's a cloudless, sunny (if cold) morning. A seagull just flew overhead, rosy in the rising sun. Glorious.

Michael Hall has developed a wonderful exercise he teaches in his Accessing Personal Genius seminar. I think it's appropriate for Thanksgiving, because it sets up a sliding anchor for acceptance, appreciation, and awe. Here's a summary.

(If you want to learn how to do this exercise on your own, without a partner, and to learn more about Michael's work, pick up his book, Secrets of Personal Mastery, visit his Web site at Neurosemantics.com, or attend one of his excellent seminars.)

Get a partner. Extend your arm, palm up. Figure out whether you are an "innie" or an "outie" by having your partner slide their finger up the inside of your arm from wrist to elbow crease. Then have them slide their finger the opposite way, from elbow crease to wrist. Does the intensity of sensation rise as they move their finger up your arm, toward you? Then you're an innie. Out and away? You're an outie.

Next, you're going to access (recall and get into), amplify, and anchor a state.

Recall (access) a time when you simply accepted something. Maybe it was that it was a rainy day and you had to take the bus. Maybe you chose to eat breakfast because you knew it was best even if you weren't terribly hungry at the time. Maybe it was scraping ice off the car before you got in and drove away. Mere acceptance.

Now that you've accessed that state of acceptance, amplify it. Build it up so it flows through you; step into it, breathe it in, pull it in and around you so you're actually experiencing it fully.

Anchor it. When it's at its peak, have your friend touch the lower end of the intensity spectrum on your arm. Apply some pressure so you can trigger the state at will later on by applying the same pressure in the same place.

That's it: Access, Amplify, Anchor.

Following the same process for appreciation, now work with the state of appreciation, and access a time you appreciated something or someone. Amplify it. Create this anchor at the midpoint of the intensity spectrum on your arm, halfway between the wrist and the elbow crease.

Same process, this time for awe. Access, amplify, then create this anchor at the high intensity point (your elbow crease, if you're an innie, or your wrist, if you're an outie).

Now have your friend slide their finger along the spectrum to move from acceptance to awe. You've built a sliding anchor and you can use it to help you change your state. Is there something you'd like to really appreciate rather than just accept? Is there something you've felt awed by, but milder appreciation would let you behave more effectively?

There is plenty to inspire awe. Einstein said, "There are two ways to live: You can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle."

Happy Thanksgiving!

New Blogger Friend

2008-11-24T08:15:00.000-08:00

I met a wonderful woman over the weekend and I've updated my blogroll to include her. She's a Pacific Northwesterner (Seattle), a science fiction fan, and a freelance writer. She took a look at herself awhile ago and decided she could do better, so she started remakng herself: eating right, working out, and putting self-care a little higher on her priority list.

My friend Tom -- someone I've known 25 years, whom I trust and love and laugh a lot with -- introduced us, and he's thrived by knowing her.

I mentioned a couple of resources to her and she asked me to remind her via e-mail, but I thought I'd mention those resources here, too.

I've never struggled with my weight, but I've always struggled with my body. I had childhood asthma, and I spent weeks in bed barely able to breathe. Any kind of exertion could trigger it, so I wheezed and panted my way through P.E. at school, hating anything that had to do with getting my heart rate up or breathing hard.

I discovered dancing in high school and fell passionately in love with it. I had a friend who choreographed moves for us and she was a great teacher. Later in life, I discovered Regency dancing and contra dancing, and that was my exercise of choice until I moved to Portland.

Then, I ballooned to 220 lbs. I wasn't a kid anymore, and I hadn't integrated into any of the dance communities. My habits needed to change.

There are tons of diet and exercise books. Here are a couple of my favorites.

Peggy Brill. Peggy has two fantastic books. The Core Program teaches you to build strength and flexibility in the large core muscles that support all the other muscles of your body. Brill is a physical therapist who works with people who have pain and limited range of motion, so these exercises are terrific for anyone who wants to start slow. The basic core exercises can be done in 15 minutes a day, which also makes it perfect for busy people who "don't have time to exercise." Get a mat, or a thick blanket, and you're ready to go.

Her other book is Instant Relief: Tell Me Where It Hurts and I'll Show You What to Do. Chapters are broken down by body area, and she lists simple calisthenics and stretches to build strength and flexibility, improve range of motion, and relieve pain.

The other books I love are written by Bill Phillips, Body for LIFE, Eat for LIFE, and the soon-to-be-released Transformation. Phillips is a bodybuilder and publisher, and his film Body of Work is profoundly inspirational, as is his new half-hour program at Transformation.com. The people he's inspired are the real sources of inspiration, though -- ordinary moms, dads, bartenders, accountants.

The exercises Phillips describes are simple and can be done at home with dumbbells. If your jaw doesn't drop when you see what can be accomplished in just 12 weeks, check your pulse.

Tom and my new friend also recommended a book by Alan Deutschman called Change or Die about how to overcome old habits. Review forthcoming. The title comes from a study of heart patients who were told their unhealthy lifestyles needed to change or it would kill them. 90% couldn't break their old habits. It can be done, though. With a big enough why, you can always find a how.

Book Review: Your Brain: The Missing Manual

2008-11-10T08:51:00.000-08:00

I just finished a great book in a great series: Your Brain: The Missing Manual, by Matthew MacDonald. The O'Reilly Missing Manual series -- like their In a Nutshell series -- is a wonderful set of books that covers topics from Office to iPhoto to Vista in a fun, often funny, succinct, and useful way. It's all the stuff you ought to know (but often don't) that makes work easier and faster.

And as a hypnotist, I love fast and easy.

In Your Brain: The Missing Manual, you'll learn about the shortcuts your brain takes to make life easier for you, and how that can end up making life harder. You'll learn tips to work around the shortcuts. Modern life, with 24-hour stimulation and a bazillion cultural differences, has created an environment far more complicated than the environment the brain originated in. Sure, we're adapting. But if you know how your brain is wired, you'll adapt a bit better.

One of my favorite chapters is about how the brain processes pleasure, because the pleasure is one of the power sources that drives behavior change.

First, pleasure is, by design, short-lived. Your brain is wired to turn it off, as well as on. Why? Well, if pleasure lasted a long time, you'd get stuck in one place, soaking up wonderfulness, a sitting duck for some predator. Also, pleasure is a motivator, and motivators are more motivating if they're in short supply. The brain gets accustomed to prolonged pleasure and starts filtering it out, so the same stimulus doesn't give you the same kick.

Research shows that the first two bites of food are the most intense. After that, pleasure decreases. Your brain starts to habituate to the flavor (i.e., ignore the sensations).

As humans, we don't seek things or experiences, not really. We seek the pleasure they provide. And pleasure is hard-wired to diminish with exposure. There's always a saturation point.

But modern culture and the messages of more, better, faster try to convince us that more, better, faster, are ends in themselves. If one cookie is good, five must be better. That's working against how our brains naturally function. In fact, more, better, faster, are just levels of pleasure that in time we'll become habituated to.

Scientific American Mind (or maybe it was Psychology Today -- I'll have to go look it up) had a nice article last year about techniques for battling boredom. They involved taking control of your expectation and your focus of attention.

So the next time I find myself reaching for that third or fourth cookie, I pause and ask: "Am I really hungry? On a scale of 1 to 10, how much pleasure am I really experiencing right now?" When I remind myself of what's really going on, and how my brain is designed to make things feel less rewarding as I get used to them, it makes it easier to put the food away and wait until another time, when my pleasure will be heightened again. I can find another source of pleasure, like a Sudoku, a warm shower, a phone call to a friend, cleaning out old e-mails, petting the kitties.

Happy Birthday, PST!

2008-10-28T15:31:00.000-07:00

Portland Story Theater continues to overdeliver with a terrific troupe of guest storytellers (this time it's Penny Walter returning) and core tellers Lynne Duddy and Lawrence Howard with My Favorite Pair, the opening show of their 2008-09 season. If the gloom of current affairs has you longing for an uplifting night out, look no further than PST's current show.

Opening again for PST is The Tuesday Group, which continues to defy description. Are they singers? dancers? poets? comedians? They describe themselves as "improv," so I'll go with it. They pose and sway in a quirky Cupid's tale of unlikely love and its rocky course as a couple of meddlers chart their course by tangling up a couple of chairs. (Yes, I know. It's weird. It works.)

Lynne Duddy tells about crossing the public/Catholic school divide with the help of a friend, and when that friend disappears, Lynne persists in unraveling the mystery. For me, this was one of those shining moments of story, where a tiny detail -- almost an afterthought -- provides an axis of emotional resonance that rings long after the story's over. It's one of those tales that's personal, universal, and asserts that yes, all the vast forces of the world are indeed conspiring to comfort and sustain us. Lynne's second story, about the peripatetic and sometimes scary life of a young single mom, had a similar mixture of uncertainty and stability. (It also contained one of those odd hallucinations that occasionally pop up in storytelling trances, where I saw something that definitely wasn't there.)

I never suspected Lawrence Howard of being a nerd. I'd never picked up on that facet of him, especially not in his previous stories of camping, fishing, and open-road adventures. (For me, those things are the antithesis of being a nerd.) But no, school cliques identified him as I could not. I laughed as he confessed the parental conspiracy that contributed to his nerdiness (nerdentity?), and I even laughed as he reached that zenith of bully-targeted terror that had me horrified beneath my giggles. (It's really hard for me to listen to stories of school taunting and not have flashbacks.) His second story focused on his romance with the martial arts. I would have doubted the choice in the hands of a lesser talent, but Lawrence has a singular voice and obstinant refusal to set foot into cliched territory.

When I first heard Penny Walter at her last appearance with PST, she did what I thought was impossible: She made me care about athletes. This time around, her stories were just as far removed from my own experiences (how could anyone not like standardized tests?) and just as astonishing. Her tale of a scheming younger self with a roller-skate fetish made me think that even Winston Churchhill -- "Never, never give in!" -- might have quailed before her. She also closes the evening with a story that reminded me of G.B. Shaw's warning that there are two great tragedies in life: Not to get your heart's desire, and to get it. Penny describes a dream come true, the unforeseen consequences, and how a dream moment in a sweat lodge carried the guidance she needed to turn things around.

The show runs another two weekends (Fri and Sat through Nov 8), with special Halloween pricing (come as a pair for $20 for two tickets on 10/31 and 11/1) and a prize giveaway. (Go to their Web site and sign up for their newsletter to learn about cool stuff like this!) Plenty of opportunities to see them again. And if you've never seen them, it's about time you do.

What a gift an insult can be

2008-08-31T22:26:00.000-07:00

Cleaning out e-mail, I found this story about one of Greg Tamblyn's excruciatingly embarrassing moments. I love it, because it really highlights the power we all have to choose what something will mean for us. As Shakespeare said, "There's nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." Or, from Richard Bach: "Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours."

The original was forwarded to me by John Brown, one of the Portland NVC team members. I encourage you to check out Tamblyn's site. He describes himself as a Transformational Humorist, and he's a terrific writer.

CHAIRMAN MAO'S LIGHTER

Ever had a brilliant gift idea that turned out to be the most embarrassing and humiliating thing you could have brought to the party?

At a conference on consciousness we were told to bring a small,wrapped present to exchange as a means of getting to know each other. The gift was supposed to be related to something significant in our lives. After wracking my brains for awhile, and looking around the house, I found the perfect thing: a lighter I had brought back from China. It was a souvenir from the first time I ever hosted a group tour, which has become a yearly event since then.

Ah, but this was no ordinary lighter. It was a solid lighter with some heft to it, covered in bright red enamel. On one side, the imposing face of Chairman Mao stares out at you, totally out of context on this goofy trinket. Sort of like Abraham Lincoln on a box of Wheaties. But the kicker is that when you open the top, it plays a silly (and quite frankly annoying) Chinese marching song, which squeals on and on -- lit or not -- until you close it. Or until the battery runs out, should you leave it open for a few days as a sort of Chinese torture for the unlucky people you live with. In short, it's pretty funny. And it kind of reduces Mao to the status of a cartoon, which I like.

I've given a few of these away to friends, and everybody gets a kick out of them. My brother likes to walk down the grocery store aisle with his lighter held aloft, music blaring and people staring. I think he does it to embarrass his daughter. But I digress...

So I felt quite proud of myself for bringing this funny, clever gift that I knew everyone at the conference would find amusing. That first night, all 120 of us were sorted into small circles of eight, and instructed to put our presents in the middle. One by one we took turns choosing a gift that someone else had brought, and then we took turns unwrapping them. When someone opened the gift you brought, you explained what it meant to you, and so we'd get to know a bit about each other.

But what happened in our little circle was a kind of cosmic joke.

Imagine: out of all the 120 people at this event, the one person who ended up with my little wrapped package containing this incredibly funny, brilliantly clever, totally unique Chairman Mao lighter, just happened to be the childhood/lifelong friend, as well as the official biographer of.........the Dalai Lama.

I'm not kidding.

He was seated just to my left. As soon as I saw him pick up the little package, I felt myself shrink about five sizes. What I really wanted was to disappear altogether. If humiliation was a color, I would have been a bright orange 4th of July smoke bomb, just fizzing away into nothing. I didn't know there would be a Tibetan at this conference. I didn't know there would be a man who, as I later found out, actually fought Chinese soldiers and was forced to flee into exile as they took over and brutalized his country.

All the time we were going around the circle opening presents, I was sitting there, completely freaked out at the fact that I'd brought the most insulting gift I possibly could have, and it was going to be unbearably awkward when this gentle, elderly, dignified, much-loved man opened it. Unbelievably embarrassing. Life-shattering buckets of shame. For once in my life, I'd been just a little too clever, and my sick sense of humor had come back to haunt me. How could I possibly explain this to him? What could I say? Especially when all the other gifts were so thoughtful and beautiful. What would he say? What would he do?

When it got to be my turn, I suggested we switch presents.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because I don't think you'll like it. I want you to have something you'll like."

"No," he said. "I chose this one."

Slowly and calmly, he unwrapped the lighter. He turned it over, and for a minute just looked at the picture of Mao. I can't remember if he opened the top and played the little song.

After what seemed like forever, during which time I would have gladly traded my whole life to be somewhere else, he spoke.

"Oh," he said firmly. "This is karma."

He looked at me with steady, sincere eyes and said, "This will help me remember to practice compassion."

POSTSCRIPT #1

The next morning, I was relating this episode to one of the conference organizers, and she insisted I tell the entire gathering about it. So I got up in front of the group and told this story. When I mentioned who got the lighter, everybody gasped. And then when I told them what Kuno (his nickname) had said, Kuno stood up, smiled and bowed low, and everybody laughed. And right then we all got it that he was really okay about it.

During the week of this conference, every time I saw Kuno he would shake my hand and thank me for the lighter. So by the end of the week, we had kind of become buddies. On the last morning, he sat next to me at lunch. We talked about Dharmsala, where the Tibetan refugees live with the Dalai Lama, and about life in India. I told him I'd always wanted to go there, and about hosting my group tours. Kuno picked up on this immediately. He invited me to Dharmsala, and said he had friends who would handle all the travel arrangements for us. We could even do some kind of a concert with myself and some Tibetan musicians. He was really into the whole idea, and I got all excited at the prospect too.

It's amazing how things work out sometimes.

POSTSCRIPT #2

(A letter from a friend at the conference, reporting how Kuno described this experience.)

"Dear Greg,

I love that you tell the story about your lighter, but you must tell more of the story. The way you ended it made it sound like he was being polite--but it was MUCH more than that. It was huge, and wonderful.

You should have heard Kuno's talk at the International House after the Conference. He began to talk about his history and connection with the Dalai Lama, and he briefly mentioned his important role as a general in the war. He spoke about how the Chinese killed his parents, family members, and so many of his friends. He talked about his anger at the Chinese--so much anger. He talked about how the Dalai Lama told him many times, he needed to make peace with the Chinese, to not hate them, to have love in his heart, compassion, forgiveness. He saw no way to do this, it was impossible, he hated them all to such an extent that he wouldn't even eat Chinese food. The Dalai Lama would laugh at this and tell him that Chinese food is very good and his anger is making him miss out on some very good things.

Well, before the conference Kuno was visiting a site of one of the bloody battles between China and Tibet where he lost many friends. He was at the memorial, trying to make peace, but only feeling anger, pain and sadness. He began to cry. A couple was there, crying also. They and Kuno started talking about their losses, and began bonding. After a while they decided to go to a place for some food and to talk more. During the meal each asked where the other was from, and it turned out that the couple were Chinese! He had thought they were on his side, not theirs. Karma again. They continued their meal together with new understanding. This experience totally changed his perspective.

He wanted to continue healing so he then started trying to get to know Chinese people. He tried Chinese food and liked it. When the conference organizer invited Kuno to be with us, he also wanted to set up some lectures for Kuno in the area and offered to let him stay at his house. Kuno told him that he would like to do the lectures, but he wanted to stay with a Chinese family, if possible. The organizer said that would be very easy to organize since his foreign-exchange student host family lived nearby, and they just happen to be Chinese! (Coincidence? I think not.) Kuno stayed with the Chinese family before and after the conference and had a wonderful time in their home.

After a couple of days with them, he came to our conference and received your lighter. At this point in his lecture, he held up your lighter, lit it, and played the little song. He told the story of getting the lighter at the conference, of all the groups he could have been with, of all the wrapped gifts he could have picked, he picked you and yours.

It was a gift, supporting his new path to healing. At the time you picked the gift, you didn't know about his new found attempts at healing this pain in his heart, but you helped the process and supported his new path.

I bet the Dalai Lama had a big belly laugh when Kuno told the full story to him.

It's a full circle thing.

If I were you, I'd be honored to be part of that healing circle.

And the lesson for you? Trust your instincts. There is a reason for everything. There's probably even a reason you were put in that situation so you could fidget and feel such nervousness--but only you know the answer to that.

Love and Peace to you, Greg,
Alison Sheafor-Joy"

A FINAL WORD:
Forgiveness has always been my biggest personal challenge, so yes, there's a LOT in this for me. Please feel free to send this to anyone you think it may uplift.

~ Greg Tamblyn
Transformational Humorist ~ Musical Laf-ologist
http://www.gregtamblyn.com

Affirmations, Part 2

2008-08-29T22:12:00.000-07:00

An affirmation is 100% believable.

This is my own first rule and the one least often addressed (to my satisfaction, anyway) in articles about affirmations.

Now, there is a big difference between something being believable and something being true. Something can be believable but untrue (urban legends are a great example; go to Snopes for a myriad of things people believe that simply aren't true.

Other things can be true but unbelievable, like the proper spelling of Cincinnati (two Ns, one T -- you have no idea how many arguments I've had with people over this) or the fact that Los Angeles is south of Las Vegas.

Whether something is believable or not depends on the individual. Some people easily use an affirmation such as, "I drive a brand new Lexus." I don't find it believable, because I drive a Camry. For me, believable affirmations would be:

I am (or I see myself) walking onto the car lot, pointing to the car I want, and paying in nice, crisp, $1,000 bills.

I am (or I see myself) driving off the lot knowing that the only pavement these tires have touched is the pavement in the car lot. I'm the first person to ever drive this car on the street.

I get more and more excited about how easily I'm able to get around to help people.

Every day, my new car is getting 100 miles closer to me.

Now, a couple of these are obviously false statement, but they are believable to me, in my imagination. They make great movie clips in my mind. They crank me up and get me excited. That's what counts. Is it true? Don't care. Is it believable? Use it.

For those who worry about Truth with a capital T, or how it's important to be honest with yourself, well... sometimes it is, and sometimes it isn't. Look how many times we tell lies when we talk to ourselves: I can't learn anything new. I'm never going to lose weight. All men/women are liars. One little bite/puff/drink won't hurt.

Why is it okay to lie to yourself if it makes you feel bad, but not if it keeps you inspired and focused? Makes no sense to me.

You can use the same technique to develop a more positive attitude about things you currently dislike, to make a situation (or person) more tolerable. What's good about that? Efficient use of energy. "I can't stand this anymore!" becomes:

I can stand anything as long as I'm working to change it.

I'm taking steps toward a powerful, permanent solution.

When I acknowledge and appreciate the things that are good and useful, it gives me courage and energy to keep working on the things that aren't perfect yet.

I learn something from every challenge and it gets me closer to my goal.

What does this have to do with comedy hypnosis? People often ask me, "Why would anyone enjoy acting silly in public?" The answer is, because they are tapping into the power of affirmations. "This feels great! That would be fun! I can't wait to do that! Can I do that again?" They are experiencing the positive -- in the moment -- in a personal, powerful way.

Affirmations, Part 1

2008-08-25T08:03:00.000-07:00

There's a big difference between goals and affirmations. In my experience, they work best in harness, but many people don't know the difference between the two or are using only one.

Goals represent your destination and your milestones.

By January 1, 2009, I will weigh 151 lbs.

By September I'll be sitting in the corner office as the new VP of Portland Operations.

I'll own a new Lexus by my next birthday.

Supercharged goals have SMART qualities: Specific, Measurable, Actions I can take, Realistic, and Time-based.

"I walk every day" has action, but little else. Unless you are in a wheelchair, you probably walk every day, on errands, around the house, office, or school. What kind of walking (duration, speed, frequency) will help me achieve my goals? Which is easier to measure: "I walk every day" or "At 9:00 AM every morning, I leave the house and walk for 20 minutes."

Specific, measurable action.

Goals help you celebrate every movement forward, no matter how big or small your goal may be. They also reveal opportunities to become even more successful.

Affirmations are completely different. Affirmations keep you enthused, encouraged, and inspired about your journey. They give you a sense of hope, power, optimism, and satisfaction. They keep you motivated. Affirmations are the gas in your car; goals are the mileposts.

There are a lot of articles about how to write powerful affirmations. I disagree with some of them. I think affirmations have several characteristics:

An affirmation is 100% believable.

An affirmation is true at any moment.

An affirmation contains a vision of the goal. It reminds you where you're going, or why.

An affirmation reinforces the beliefs you want to have.
An affirmation leads you into a new space. It inspires (or creates) growth and movement.

An affirmation counteracts or neutralizes negative self-talk.

An affirmation empowers me as the person in control of my life and my results.

I'll take these one at a time in future postings.

Trances People Live

2008-05-05T10:04:00.000-07:00

My friend Joe Mitchell, who runs NVC practice groups, emailed me this week. He's reading Trances People Live by Stephen Wolinsky, and writes,

The question for me came up: why trances? What need do they serve in our life?

Trance, as I understand it, is a state where we're operating out of habit, or on autopilot. In trance, the conscious mind is narrowly focused and the other-than-conscious mind is running most of the show. Trance is an involuntary, spontaneous, and hardwired into our brains. It is not learned or chosen. It's like a heartbeat or breathing or blinking. It's just a given part of life. So what function does it serve?

The conscious mind can only hold seven (plus or minus two) bits of information per second. That's why phone numbers are seven digits. Our minds are limited in the amount of data it can consciously track at any given time. The other-than-conscious mind, however, can handle 2-4 billion BPS.

Some specific numbers are here.

If you imagine the Keller Auditorium, that's the capacity of the unconscious mind. Take a quarter out of your pocket and place it on the floor... that's the capacity of the conscious mind.

My understanding is that some specific trances, or trance states, are learned, deliberate, voluntary, or chosen: working, relaxing, paying bills, worship, writing, dancing, purchasing, lovemaking, etc.

I think other trance states are learned but typically involuntary or automatic: worrying and daydreaming, for example. Typically, we don't think to ourselves, "Oops! I'm late for my worry time," or, "I think I'll schedule my worry for 5:30 next Tuesday." We just slip into it involuntarily. Eating, lust, fear, and humor might be voluntary at times, involuntary at others.

If we can learn trances, I think we can unlearn them. NVC is one process for doing this; hypnosis is another. But in my view, we aren't eliminating trances -- we're just choosing a different trance, or replacing one kind of trance with another. As soon as a choice becomes habitual, or automatic, it becomes a trance.

What is the connection between a trance state we choose and our
actual needs (thought of in NVC terms: needs for respect, security,
connection, etc.)

I think trance states can meet needs for

* Efficiency. Trance saves time. Imagine how much time we'd lose on common tasks if we had to re-learn them from scratch every day. Paying bills. Driving. Opening a friggin' DOOR!

* Safety. Ever had the feeling of uneasiness with a person or place? Billions of data are available to the nonconscious mind that aren't picked up by the conscious mind. Just because we aren't aware of *why* we feel uneasy doesn't mean there's not a damned good reason for it. Some call it intuition. If you're a gazelle, sitting around and consciously trying to analyze whether there's *evidence* of a lion could get you dead. Humans aren't gazelles, but the principle is sound, I think.

* Affinity. Trance serves to meet needs for friendship, love, peace, bonding, companionship, etc. If people had to consciously decide each morning whether they were committed to their spouses/children/tribes, the emphasis on impermanence could result in increased social conflict. Long-term memory is the domain of the other-than-conscious mind, so all memory involves trance. Could we have families and friends without memory? Could we have love?

* Creativity. The conscious mind is the rational, logical, linear mind that is aware of present sensory input: Observation and Evaluation territory. Emotion, imagination, and symbolism are the languages of the other-than-conscious mind. All creativity involves trance states. I'm pretty sure that all problem-solving and learning involve trance states, too.

Since you're into hypnosis, I'm thinking that you induce trances -- is that right?

Yes. As a hypnotist, I lead people in and out of trance.

And am wondering if you see a connection between a persons needs, in NVC
terms, and trances that they choose or hypnosis chooses for them.

One of the reasons I love NVC is because it does induce trance. When a person "goes inside" to identify their feelings and needs, that involves a trance state.

Regarding hypnosis and choosing trances: Hypnosis is a way of *inducing* trance, but it doesn't "choose a trance for" someone. Typically, a client comes in because the trances they're choosing aren't working for them (the smoking trance, the food-as-comfort trance), and they want help installing a replacement trance (the smoke-free trance, the food-as-fuel trance).

Here endeth the opinion.

Thanks so much for the fascinating questions, Joe. I'd love to hear what other folks think!

Portland Story Theater Closes

2008-04-12T08:08:00.000-07:00

Lynne Duddy closes the 2007-08 series of Portland Story Theater's season with dark matter, running Friday and Saturday, this weekend and next, at Hipbone Studios.

I think Lynne assembles a terrific collection of stories here. They range from personal to mythic to factual, and they're accentuated by Emily Post, an a capella group that adds background music and sound effects.

There's the mythical story of the Amazonian Anaconda birthing the world through singing and scales (both kinds). There's stories of parents and partly parents; dead, alive, and in-between. In between light and dark is twilight.

There are neighbors and blood brothers. Did you ever have friends who had the parents you wanted? Or did you ever finally meet the parents of a friend and wonder how such an amazing kid could come from such a nasty family? The things that are there in the light are also there in the dark, but our perceptions change.

There's the story of Dr. Vera Rubin, who developed pioneering theories of astronomy when she was young and found it impossible to be taken seriously. Fortunately, she kept going.

There's not a lot of time -- it's a two-weekend show, as usual -- so hustle out and listen.

Book Review: Self Hypnotism, Leslie Lecron

2008-03-30T09:43:00.000-07:00

Leslie M. Lecron's Self Hypnotism: The Technique and its Use in Daily Living is one of the classics on self hypnotism. I've read some complaints about Lecron's attitudes (categorizing homosexuality as a mental illness, for example, or saying that only medical professionals should be trusted with hypnosis - a view Milton Erickson shared), but every book (movie, play, essay, hypothesis, etc.) is a product of context: geography, gender, culture, class, year. Lecron's book is a product of a 1964 psychologist. What is it they say in the Twelve Step movement? Take what works and leave the rest. (The key is to experiment first, to learn whether it works for you or not.)

One of the things I like about Lecron's book is the resources he cites for learning about hypnosis and methods to develop awareness, sharpen focus, increase attention, deepen relaxation, and other skills that can be used to overcome obstacles of perception, belief, and habit. Throughout the text, he recommends books and authors and sometimes adapts their methods to hypnotic processes. (Unfortunately, the books he mentions aren't all listed in the bibliography, so you have to flip through the book looking for the italicized titles.)

Lecron's book does seem very dated to me; nevertheless, I like the way he describes working with ideomotor signals (finger signals or pendulum movements) to narrow down the range of past experiences that might be at the root of current troubling attitudes or habits. His background as a psychologist also made the book richer, for me. When I was growing up, migraines and allergies were the debilitating conditions in my family, and the root causes he identifies (repressed hostility and overprotectiveness) rang true to me as an adult.

I recently read a blog somewhere describing someone's Catholic-school experiences and how they remembered their family and classmates dealing with a "cool" priest and a "perv" priest with gossip and vigilance. Later, as adults, the real story came out, and they learned the cool priest was the actual pedophile and the perv wasn't a perv at all, but the overseer hired to make sure the kids were never alone with the pedophile. The grown children reviewed their memories and compared their youthful interpretation of characters and events with their informed adult memories. It struck me how very like hypnosis this was. Like Dave Elman's terrific book, Hypnotherapy, Lecron's book describes case studies of people whose experiences in childhood were the source of adult problems that were cleared up once that insight was identified and resolved with hypnosis.

Lecron's book is definitely a product of its time, but the methods are sound and described with adequate detail so that any reader can adapt them to their own uses.

Pain

2008-03-21T10:33:00.000-07:00

I like slingback-style shoes, but they aren't terribly sturdy. I had a pair that broke midweek, and I was stuck for something else to wear. I tend to dislike shopping for clothes, so I don't have many back-ups.

I had a pair of shoes I'd purchased at the same time as the slingbacks and never worn. They had three-and-a-half-inch heels (I love high heels), and although they felt fine at the shop when I tried them on, just two hours in them once I'd got them home made me realize I'd made a horrible mistake. So they sat in a bag destined for Goodwill for the better part of two years.

I dug them out of the bag, not having an alternative until I could shop for a new pair.

Within two hours, the ball of my right foot was numb and the toes of my left foot felt rubbed raw. I thought about methods of interrogation and torture and decided if high heels weren't one of the tactics the military used, they were dolts.

Day Two was more of the same. By the end of the day, I was in agony. The admiring comments on my "cute new shoes" seemed to make it worse. Didn't it just figure that something I hated provoked compliments from others?

On Day Three, I knew something had to give. I shoved a pair of Dr. Scholl's gel inserts into the toes and decided to focus on anything but my feet. My posture. My breathing. The muscles in my abdomen and lower back. My shoulders. Any time pain drew my attention to my feet, I took a deep breath, looked up at the ceiling, sucked in my gut, threw back my shoulders, and told myself I was strong, tall, graceful, and powerful.

I imagined I was standing in front of a lecture hall giving a presentation with a huge screen behind me; so huge that I had to stand tall or else I'd be invisible in comparison.

I told myself I'd only have to endure this for a few more days; then I'd go shopping and get a comfortable pair of shoes.

By Day Five, the shoes seemed looser, my toes felt pressured but not pained, and I began to regain a nice rhythm and confidence in my walk.

By Day Seven, I was pretty sure I could love these shoes. They were becoming comfortable. By the end of the second week, they were completely broken in, as easy to wear as my old pair, and I really did love them.

Isn't breaking old habits often like that? We struggle to incorporate new actions that seem difficult, sometimes even painful, to perform. Using repetition, positive self-talk, change of focus, setting a limit of "just a few more days," engaging the imagination to dissociate from the challenge and associate into an outcome, strong emotion -- in other words, hypnosis -- awkward new behaviors become second nature.

How easy it would have been to give up the first day!

Pain is a message. Sometimes, it means something is deficient (health, wholeness, safety). Other times, it means something is different. When I use different muscles, learn new information, experiment with different foods, get a new pair of glasses, fall in (or out) of love, or expand ourselves in any way, pain is sometimes a passenger in the experience.

No matter what the message contains -- "Something is deficient" or "Something is different" -- I get to decide how to respond to pain. I can stop what I'm doing and consider my options. I can completely abandon the course I was taking. I can ignore the discomfort and persist.

I can label or categorize the pain in a number of different ways: Use Robert Dilts's Logical Levels, for example. I've known people who lived with chronic pain for decades. Some made it a part of their identity; others made it a part of their environment. Even at the level of identity there are differences. Some made themselves a victim of their pain. Others regarded it (as Richard Bach has said) as "a problem with a gift in its hands."

The best way out is always through. -- Robert Frost

Media Review: Paul McKenna

2008-03-19T09:15:00.000-07:00

Paul McKenna is more familiar to viewers across the pond, but he's come to the USA in a big way now on TLC's show, I Can Make You Thin with Paul McKenna. He used hypnosis with Ellen Degeneres to help her stop smoking and was on her show using hypnosis to help folks eilminate fear of snakes, spiders, etc.

Now, McKenna is spending five weeks to help folks lose weight.

I watched the debut on Sunday and delighted at the provocative way he couched his Golden Rules for weight loss.

1. When you're hungry, go and eat.
2. Eat what you want, not what you think you should.
2. Eat consciously.
4. When you're full, stop.

Why are these provocative? A couple are so simple that they're easy to dismiss. I can imagine people rolling their eyes in disgust, saying, "Well, of course, everybody knows that."

If those Golden Rules were really as simple as they appear, McKenna wouldn't have spent a full hour explaining them! Hypnosis depends on precise language, and McKenna took care to unpack "hungry," "consciously," and "full."

I loved the experiment where they invited people to a restaurant for identical breakfasts on two consecutive mornings. The second day, they blindfolded the customers. And guess what? People felt full sooner. They left food on their plates. I'm guessing they also ate more slowly, because it's probably a little more difficult to eat when you're blindfolded. I wonder if the food tasted differently, too?

McKenna hasn't talked about hypnosis, but clips from next week's show had people using EFT, Gary Craig's Emotional Freedom Technique, derived from Roger Callahan's Thought Field Therapy. A recent article in the March 2008 Journal of Hypnotism cited a study that said people who eat for emotional reasons (bored, stressed, lonely) have a harder time losing weight than others. I'm looking forward to watching McKenna at work.

Portland Story Theater, Part Three of Four

2008-03-13T23:31:00.000-07:00

Last Friday, Portland Story Theater opened its third show of 2008 with Rick Huddle's On Sale Now! Rick is one of my favorite tellers; nevertheless, I was nervous, because the theme of consumerism can be so polarizing. I steeled myself for an evening that, for all I knew, could have been subtitled Money Is Evil. I needn't have worried.

Rick doesn't tell safe stories (one of the things I like about him), but I always feel safe with him (another thing I like). He takes care of his audience.

What else do I like about Rick? He's physical. He skips, hops, preens, and teaches audience members to flip through catalog pages as he shares a game from his childhood. He projects a captivating childlike energy, an irresistable invitation to come out and play. He has a Puckish, mischievous air that's both grounding and exciting. Kind of like watching a seven-year-old balance atop a wall.

And his stories touch universal human preoccupations: respect, inner worth, relationships, cultural values, work, dreams, family.

I arrived at Hipbone Studios before the doors opened, but I could hear Rick laughing inside. After confirming my reservation and purchasing my ticket, I was handed some Monopoly money and urged to go buy a snack. I wandered over to the concession table, where a variety of chips and sodas were on display. I bought a copy of Rick's CD and signed the unique On Sale Now! guest book (what a nifty idea!).

Alton Chung had composer and pianist Mike Van Liew accompany him, and Rick had the Tuesday Group open for him with their Stimulus Package. What a kick! But boy, am I glad I'm not their agent. How to describe them! "Hi there, I've got three men and two women in business suites performing a choreographed, a capella, be bop, interactive indictment of consumerism that will have your audience laughing, cringing, and tapping their feet!" I don't know. Might be a hard sell, which is a pity. They were wonderful.

As usual, Huddle's performance was stellar. He takes the most mundane events and arranges and polishes them into treasures. It's truly a coal-into diamond effect, and I always marvel.

Hypnosis sometimes involves storytelling, and storytelling frequently evokes trance. For me, the most memorable story of the night reminded me of some of Milton Erickson's work. Rick described the first time he identified with clothing: a pair of green Converse Chuck Taylor tennis shoes he owned as a kid. From having his foot measured (I thought I was the only child enchanted by those metal things that had that little sliding gizmo that pressed up against the ball of your foot) to the way the shoes almost magically transform his world to the sad end of the relationship, it's a sweet and penetrating portrayal of identity, autonomy, personal symbols, and personal power.

Are sweatshops evil? And what about Wal Mart? What happens when our dream jobs become brain drains? Is it impossible to imagine that something as simple and transitory as a coconut cupcake could be a legitimate source of happiness? Huddle poses more questions than answers, thank goodness, giving the audience the opportunity to explore as they pursue their own journeys.

On Sale Now! closes this weekend. Next up for Portland Story Theater: Lynne Duddy's dark matter, April 11-12 and 18-19.

Book review: Self-Hypnosis and Other Mind Expanding Techniques by Charles Tebbetts

2008-03-04T01:53:00.000-08:00

In 1970, Charles Tebbetts enrolled in Gil Boyne's self-hypnosis course in California, and entered into a deep love affair with hypnosis and a passion for the rapid-change techniques Boyne taught. Tebbetts went on to be a creative, compassionate hypnotist and teacher in his own right, opening one of the most respected hypnosis schools in the State of Washington. Self-Hypnosis and Other Mind Expanding Techniques describes the successful methods of self hypnosis he used and taught.

Tebbetts gives wonderfully direct and simple descriptions of the roles of the conscious and subconscious minds that dispel many misconceptions about hypnosis (e.g., I won't wake up, I'll be unconscious, I'll be giving up control of my mind to another). He also firmly advises readers to avoid skeptical, doubtful, or analytical attitudes, which can complicate (or completely derail) a person's ability to enter hypnosis.

Tebbetts describes six inductions and four deepeners (including two personal favorites, the Elevator and Glued Fingers), all simple and easy to perform.

There's also a really wonderful chapter about how to construct and deliver effective suggestions to yourself. Crafting suggestions in a way they'll be accepted by the subconscous mind is very important. Hypnosis cannot make anyone do anything against their will, and the subconscious will reject suggestions if it doesn't like them. How do you create suggestions the subconscious will accept? Tebbetts lists nine qualities that every suggestions should possess, and they are so simple, elegant, and beautifully described, I'd like to have them tattooed on my wrist.

Scripts that can be recorded verbatim are provided for clearing out unresourceful emotions such as anger, self-pity, exaggerated pity for others, guilt, and anxiety (self-limiting fears). Those of you who are reading this blog for reflections on Nonviolent Communication may wonder where I get off calling any emotion "unresourceful." Good question. I'll take it up another time, because that probably deserves a post of its own.

Tebbetts also includes scripts for pain relief (headache, constipation, arthritis, bursitis, asthma), rapid recovery from disease, memory improvement, and other issues. I can understand why this book was so popular; it's absolutely jammed with information, while emphasizing the essentials in a simple and straightforward manner.

While slightly more than half the book is devoted to self-hypnosis, the remainder looks at meditation, biofeedback, faith healing, and ESP. In the secion on meditation, Tebbetts suggests some things to try if you don't get good results with the mantra you've been using: change your mantra, change your rhythm, and seek advice from someone more experienced. All of these are also excellent suggestions for those who may be having difficulty with self-hypnosis. (Substitute the word "induction" for "mantra.")

Nearly ninety days in...

2008-02-28T08:54:00.000-08:00

...to 2008. Are you on track?

Certified Stress Management expert (and hypnotist) Rick Allen led a terrific teleseminar on goal setting around the first of the year. Those who don't make New Year's Resolutions tend to set goals: Specific, Measurable, Actionable, Realistic, and Time-defined (SMART).

Where to you want to be, this year or in five? How do you want to live? What do you want to do differently? With NLP, change begins with a well-formed outcome. An outcome is well formed when it is within your personal power to change, when it is within a specific context, and when it is ecological (congruent with your values and situation).

Rick had listeners vividly imagine their outcomes, or goals. That's the first step, which is partly rooted in, "If you don't know what you want, how will you formulate the steps to get there?"

To get to Seattle, for instance, there are a lot of intermediary steps. If I'm driving, I have to get on I-5 and pass through Vancouver, Centralia, Olympia, Tacoma, etc. I need petrol and a car. I probably need an address in Seattle, or else I could stop at the city limit... but I probably wouldn't reach my desired destination.

The other part of the equation is, "If you don't know what you want, how will you know when you get it?"

For example, if you say you want more money, and I give you a quarter... well, you got what you said you wanted, but it's probably not what you meant.

So, to continue with the Seattle illustration, what's the address? What are the landmarks? What sequence are they in? What position, or orientation, do they have?

Don't know the steps or the landmarks? One good way of finding out is to ask someone who's been there.

Goals help us get where we want to be, but they need to be SMART. Now is a great time to review your New Year's Resolutions and 2008 goals and check them for well-formedness.

Book review: Practical Guide to Self-Hypnosis by Melvin Powers

2008-02-21T20:57:00.000-08:00

At the beginning of every comedy hypnosis show, I tell the audience I'll be keeping the volunteers who can go into hypnosis most quickly and easily, and that if I excuse them, it doesn't mean they can't be hypnotized -- it just means that tonight, they may be feeling distracted or may be having a hard time concentrating, for whatever reason.

Nevertheless, an excused volunteer often comes up later and says to me, "I guess I can't be hypnotized."

*headdesk*

Powers's book is a godsend for those people who have had trouble entering hypnosis or recognizing that they've entered hypnosis. He spends a lot of time in his book addressing people who may experience challenges when they attempt self-hypnosis. He provides many, many exercises, procedures, tests and deepeners, assuring everyone of success. (I happen to agree with Powers that anyone can be hypnotized.)

I think the biggest value of this book is in the amount of time and spece Powers spends exploring the question of why some people struggle with hypnosis. If you have been experimenting with self-hypnosis and haven't gotten the results you want, the problem is probably covered in this little volume. You may have been

afraid

skeptical

resisting

trying too hard

under some misconception about hypnosis

feeling uneasy with the hypnotist

convinced it won't work

unwilling to spend the necessary time

I think Powers covers just about every problem people may encounter, and he provides solutions (which will also work if you are having trouble being hypnotized by someone else). This is a great little volume.

Portland Story Theater, Part Two of Four

2008-02-19T06:34:00.000-08:00

Portland Story Theater's opened the second show of its 2008 series with Alton Chung's solo storytelling concert. Unfortunately, I was out of town opening weekend (I like opening nights), and tied up Friday of the following week, but I slipped in under the wire and caught the closing night. Okage Sama De (I am what I am because of you) recounts the stories of five men -- four of Japanese descent and one Jewish -- and their experiences during World War II.

The tales are fascinating in their exploration of assumptions, preconceptions, and resentments, not only those of white and Japanese Americans, but of mainland and Hawaiian Americans of Japanese descent, and encounters between Japanese Americans and Germans. But they are also deeply moving tales of heroes that bring to mind the Greek myths of heroes and gods.

I had never heard of the 100th Battalion/442nd Regimental Combat Team (RCT), which was composed entirely of Japanese American. Chung describes it reverently, saying that for its size and duration of service, it is the most highly decorated unit in all of US Military history. I am trying to remember if I have ever gotten through one of Alton's concerts completely dry-eyed. If I have, it wasn't this one. Fortunately, I'd planned ahead and had plenty of tissue. To think that those young men, many barely out of high school, volunteered for military service while their families were in internment camps... wow.

Chung augments the first-person stories with photos of the men represented. Five folding chairs sit on the stage, and as a preamble to each story, Chung unrolls a photo of the man portrayed in the tale. He assumes the character of each narrator with unique tonality, tempo, vocabulary, gestures, and posture, personifying each man as he remembers his experiences of the war.

Chung gave a remarkable performance, and he's performing portions of the show around the USA. Check his Web site at www.altonchung.com and don't forget to check out Rick Huddle's upcoming solo show with Portland Story Theater. If I know Rick, his performance will be as unforgettable as the other solo shows have been.

Walkabout Trance Beach Resort Getaway

2008-02-11T20:01:00.000-08:00

I'm back from Hermosa Beach and the Walkabout Trance Beach Resort Getaway, where the seminar topic was Rapid and Speed Inductions, Anywhere, Anytime, Anytrance. It was WONDERFUL! There were folks from Detroit, Texas, New Hampshire, Atlanta, Portland (two, besides me), Seattle, and all over California. There was even a guy from India. Some had been hypnotists since their teens; others had never hypnotized anyone before -- or been hypnotized themselves. Of 50+ people, maybe a dozen women. I met some absolutely dear people, and the time went by far too quickly. My warmest thanks to Richard Clark for all his time and effort, and to Brian David Phillips, and to David Fontenot, who I was told started the ball rolling by launching Hypnoticon in Atlanta, which brought Brian to the USA for a rare visit (from Taipei).

Some of the most valuable stuff for me:

1. Getting to do rapid and speed inductions over and over again with different people; noticing what "worked" and what didn't; beginning to see for myself the patterns I'd heard described for years; being in a well-lit room and developing my sensory acuity for noticing signs of trance in 1-4 minutes. (You gotta pay attention!)

2. Improvisation. Brian's exercise -- the Speed Trance Train -- really forced me to let go and PLAY. Since then, I've played with the Teakettle Induction, the Doorbell Induction, and the Peanut Butter on Toast Induction. I love, love, love the "anything can be an induction" philosophy.

3. Roll-over into something different. The skillsets that Brian taught emphasized being able to quickly and seamlessly modify what you are doing -- more of what works, less of what doesn't -- with inductions, deepeners or skits. I know this is old hat, but I had a new experience of it, and I'd like to be more flexible, so it was very valuable and I'll be practicing more deliberately (and playfully).

4. Affect/Emotion. Brian talked a lot about chaining positive emotion to physical phenomena ("the higher your hands go, the happier you feel") and leaving people better than we found them. When I was doing one of the exercises and mentioned to my partner that he felt almost like when he was a little kid at Disneyland, his hands leaped about eight inches. WHAM. I flashed on something I think Tony Robbins said: The only reason anyone does ANYTHING is for the feelings they get. I think one common element in my least successful bar gigs was that I didn't spend as much time telling my volunteers how wonderful and fantastic they felt, and how that feeling got stronger the more they responded. Whoa. Light bulb.

5. I have a completely different view suggestibility tests! Now they are like playing with a Brain Chemistry Set for Christmas! How fun!

At lunch on Day One, we went out in competitive teams to hypnotize people on the boardwalk. When we got BACK from lunch, people shared experiences. That was a real eye-opener and made very clear to me (again) that IT'S ALL ABOUT MINDSET. Or context. Be very careful of the words, "I can't." What was "out of bounds" for some people was well within the comfort zone of others. The sharing of information and encouragement really touched me.

I got trance phenomena from six people at lunch. I guess not bad for my first 90 minutes ever! It was hard at first to walk up to strangers, but two of my teammates showed absolutely no hesitation and no fear. Victoria and John, you inspire me!

Day Two was more of the same, only the goal was to deepen the state... I think. My brain pretty much imploded by then. We played with pendulums and ideomotor-response demos as openers (and as marketing leave-behinds). My Third-Eyed, One-Holed, Flying Purple Pendulum is a wonderful memento. Thank you Brian and Lorraine!

On the first day, I surrendered to beginner's mind and just played around and experimented. Day Two, I began to worry more about "improving," I felt like I'd forgotten a lot of stuff, and I started to feel self-conscious around the more experienced hypnotists. But I came home excited, having learned a lot, met some fabulous people and enjoyed Southern California sunshine. Orion is much higher in the L.A. sky than above the 45th Parallel in Portland. It is good to be home, and I'm so grateful for the new friends and skills.

Shackleton's Antarctic Nightmare

2008-01-23T08:59:00.000-08:00

An old friend was passing through Portland January 11, so I missed the opening of Lawrence Howard's solo storytelling concert, Shackleton's Antarctic Nightmare: The True Story of the 1914 Voyage of The Endurance. I managed to make it to the closing night of the show, which ran for four sold-out nights.

Shackleton had been to the Antarctic before. Twice, his expeditions fell short of his goal (reaching the South Pole): by 200 miles and by 97 miles. An experienced adventurer, he led a talented and loyal crew on the attempt to cross Antarctica. Not a single man was lost on the harrowing 22-month journey that never even reached the continent; one of the many miracles of the soul-stirring story.

I was born and raised in Southern California, so this week's cold snap --overnight temperatures in the 20s -- seems intense, but it's a spring romp compared to what the Endurance's crew experienced.

I don't think it's possible to express just how much the story moved me. The one-mile-per-day rate at which the men persisted over the ice floes on foot, some pulling a sled in harness. Shackleton and photographer Frank Hurley sorting through hundreds of glass negatives of the journey, together choosing the 150 finest photos, and destroying the rest. The standards of obedience expected of British ships' crews. The unthinking bravery, the methodical planning, the 2000-foot slide off a mountain's precipice... it all inspired me in ways I can hardly describe.

I am a fan of inspiring stories: the tribal youth who walked from a South American jungle to the USA, worked as a janitor to put himself through school, and became a nurse; the single mom, struggling to make ends meet, who authored a children's book that became a global phenomenon; the man who suffered burns over 90 percent of his body, not expected to live, who established himself in a successful career and even ran for mayor.

There are so many people who want to paint those people as exceptions... and they are exceptional. But I think they are exceptional because they dug down and freed the determination and potential that we all possess, but so many of us leave untapped.

That said, I could not imagine how any human being could have risen to the challenge of Shackleton's expedition. Lawrence painted such a grueling picture (and I shudder to think what he left out), it seemed beyond the capacity of anyone to survive. And yet, they did.

It was one of those evenings where the rest of the audience dissolved from my awareness, and I lost track of where and when I was. I let the narrative lift and carry me. When Lynne Duddy first told me the performance clocked in at around 2-1/2 hours, it dampened my enthusiasm. But once Lawrence began speaking, I never once noticed the time.

"Storytelling" means different things to different people. Some think of fables and fairy tales. Some think of sacred tales and myths. Some think of children's stories. My favorite stories are personal and adult. I think of Daniel Pinkwater's stories on NPR, David Sedaris, James Thurber, E.B. White, Joan Didion. Some are more essay than story, but they still represent what I think of when I think of storytelling: Personal stories. Memoir. Humor. Evoking the exceptional out of the ordinary.

The story of Shackleton's expedition fascinated both Lawrence and his father, and I found that thread touching, as well. Children and parents often have difficulty over the years as relationships evolve or deteriorate. The story of a lifelong passion shared by father and son added a poignant shading to the story of Shackleton.

Next up in Portland Story Theater's 2008 Solo Series:

Okage Sama De (I Am Who I Am Because of You) by Alton Chung, Feb 8, 9, 15 and 16;

On Sale Now! by Rick Huddle, March 7, 8, 14 and 15; and

dark matter by Lynne Duddy, April 11, 12, 18 and 19.

Portland Story Theater - Nov 2007 review

2007-11-03T01:19:00.000-07:00

It's no secret: I'm addicted to Portland Story Theater. Rick Huddle and Alton Chung will return for performances in 2008, but founding members Lynne Duddy and Lawrence Howard continue to anchor the group, and this month's show brings the delightful addition of Penny Walter, who shines in her stories, plus guests Robin Bady (November 2-3) and Rebecca Cohen (November 9-10).

Licking the Plate is about "wanting it bad and getting it good," about nourishment and cravings -- for food and for family, for direction and identity, for joy and power.

Duddy opens the current show, reminiscing about a 1962 outing to the Space Needle, one of those special, family, dress-up excursions where children thwart the vision parents have of the how the day will unfold. The megalomaniacal symbolism of finger food has never been so deftly portrayed, and the silent conspiracy of neighboring dining guests -- separated in age by decades -- provides equal measures of amusement and victorious satisfaction. Her second piece is a deft adaptation about an attempted robbery and assault foiled by that turned cheek we hear so much about, but rarely encounter.

Bady (Nov. 2-3) resurrects her grandparents' lower east side tenement in New York in a tale about her mother's childhood obsession (and disenchantment) with maraschino cherries. There's rhythm, humor, and intensity in Bady's telling, and she has skillfully crafted a narrative of innocence, idealism, willfulness, drive, and denial. It's a rich, heady mixture rivaling the spread of delicacies at the milk bar in which the story is set. Bady's second piece addresses the vagaries of perception as she riffs on Aesop.

Howard continues to construct a solid body of work with each successive show, chaining links in a personal history that's tender, earthy, learned, and loving. I can only hope the Six Gods of the Universe in their flaming rainbow teepee bless me before I die with a collection of his stories. "The Night on the Island" describes a coming-of-age when you had to be ten years old and know how to swim; and another transition at 16, when all you needed were a flock of migrating geese and the guts to follow. There are dads, uncles, and brothers; warm liquor and limericks; and an excruciating (and hilarious) lake crossing in a canoe.

Walter joins PST for the first time, and I certainly hope it's not the last. She brings an energetic playfulness to the table that's sometimes rueful but never self-indulgent. I am still grinning at her recollection of family dynamics, growing up the baby on eastern Washington farmland, when a milkshake could remedy just about anything... and some of the challenges were dire indeed. Walter's tale of going from apathetic truancy in first grade to finally hitting her stride in high school is one that will stay with me for a long, long time. It's hard for me to imagine this sparkling, wry teller as a puppeteer, where I (probably mistakenly) imagine her in sort of a backstage role. I hope to see a lot more of her at storytelling showcases.

Once again, this is a short run: two weekends, and then it's gone. And Robin Bady is only appearing one more night. And the next four productions are all solo shows, rather than the ensemble. So get to Hipbone Studies (oh, crap, I forgot to write about the venue -- but it's late, and I'm tired, so I'll just say it's warmer and more inviting than the perfectly fine but somewhat industrial Brooklyn Bay).

October (and November) fun!

2007-10-07T14:48:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's from so many years of school -- K-12, then junior college, then college proper -- but for me, September always seems like the start of the new year. There's change in the air. Autumn is coming, with the equinox, the harvest, the weather changes. New projects get traction after the easygoing summer. Schools, churches, businesses, nonprofits -- they all seem to ripen with a final-quarter burst of energy.

But October really takes off like a rubber band in the hands of a practical jokester. ZING!

FRIGHTTOWN OPENS as of October 6. Woo-hoo!

Baron von Goolo's Museum of Horrors and the Robot Slavechicks from Mars is this year's incarnation of Portland's most ambitious haunted house. What can I say? I love it. I'm a sporadic volunteer, dressing up and scaring the wits out of too-cool-for-school teens and grown-ups. But even behind the scenes, the place creeps me out. I went through as a member of the paying public once; never again. I froze halfway through and had to be escorted out.

FrightTown's Tim Burton Meets George Romero sensibility splatters itself over the walls of Portland's Memorial Coliseum through Halloween. This place won't just fill a couple hours of your evening with BOO. It will have you wishing for some of that eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. I still can't get the Karaoke Nuns out of my head. If your nightmares had nightmares, they would be on exhibit at this museum. Go see.

October 24 Comedy Hypnosis Show with Michelle De Lude at The Porterhouse Restaurant, 14611 SE McLoughlin Blvd., Milwaukie. Show starts at 8:00 p.m.; with the show, you get a $5.00 discount off dinner. Yum! Just think, a comedy hypnosis show without a fairground corn dog. What is the world coming to? A fun dinner show! Tickets are $7 or two for $10, and seating is limited, so reservations are recommended. Two-drink minimum. And if you get tickets at the door on the night of the show, they are $10.

Portland Story Theater announces its 2007-08 season, so save the first and second weekends in November for their first show, Licking the Plate. I'll have a review up November 3 or 4.

And look for my November 15 Comedy Hypnosis Show at Duff's Garage in SE Portland.

Getting unstuck: Logical levels

2007-08-07T00:13:00.000-07:00

One of the presuppositions of NLP is the Law of Requisite Variety, which is a fancy way of saying that more choices are better than few choices. If you're stuck, it may be because you're... well, stuck. You need more choices.

If you have two choices, that's better than one, but you may still feel stuck. To reach a comfortable sense of flexibility and freedom, you'll want to have at least three.

What are some ways to find new choices?

NLP has a model called logical levels you can use to explore any situation in which you need more choices. Making change at any level can affect the whole system.

Level 1: Environment. Environment is everything around you. Nothing occurs in a vacuum. Becoming aware of the environment may seem extremely basic. Why bother?

The more familiar you are with the environment, the more habituated you become.

Have you ever had a clock that chimed every hour? How long did it take before you no longer noticed it? Or have you ever taped a reminder to your computer, refrigerator, or mirror, and over time forgotten to look at it so that it became "invisible"? Take a moment to quiet your mind, ask some questions, and explore this first, most basic level.

What's the context of the challenge? Where does it occur? (If your answer is, "EVERYWHERE!" choose one specific example and start there.) Is it confined to home or office? Certain locations? Who are the people involved? What time does it occur? Mornings? Afternoons? Evenings? Weekdays or weekends? What do you notice about the surroundings? What sounds do you notice? Where are they coming from? What's the quality of light? Do you notice a lot of movement, or are things quiet? The more facets of the environment you can notice, the more options you'll have when it comes time to make the changes you desire.

Observations again

2007-07-31T00:07:00.000-07:00

A recent kerfluffle on a couple of online communities (one of them focusing on conflict resolution -- HA!) have me musing once again on the concept of what are called "observations" in NVC and "clean sensory channels" in NLP.

It's amazing how much of our own self-talk we accept as coming from "out there." We know, without even thinking about it, when someone is angry, sad, puzzled, or delighted.

But those realizations are based on something. That something is sensory experience: information that comes in through our eyes, ears, skin, nose or mouth. You know the drill: sight, sound, touch, smell, and taste.

Most of this information comes in and is processed subconsciously. You don't typically notice or analyze, with your conscious mind, how you know what you know.

When you're in a struggle, either with another person or with yourself, this can lead to deepening conflict, rather than resolution.

Take a step back. Ask: What am I noticing? Is it something I see or hear? What conclusions am I coming to? Could I possibly come to different ones? (We'll explore that question in an upcoming blog entry on reframing.

This can be extremely difficult to do in a moment of upset; human brains and bodies react to emotional threats the same way they react to physical ones, and the flood of stress hormones creates obstacles to rational thinking. So if you've ever "lost your head" in anger, don't beat yourself up about it. Just know that you can take steps to keep your cool, and you can do it without squashing your emotions or denying what's bothering you. (Emotions feed you information about whether a situation is healthy or dangerous -- you don't want to cut yourself off from valuable information!)

Of course, it's best to practice on a daily basis, when stress is low or mild, to develop the mental and emotional muscles you want to come into play when you're in a situation where you really need them.

So: Do a check-in exercise. Set an alarm, or find a way to signal yourself, to stop periodically throughout your day. Do a body scan. Are you relaxed? Tense? Happy? How do you know? Which muscles are tight, and which relaxed? (Pay attention to your face muscles, too -- when you're relaxed, happy, worried, annoyed.) What's you're posture like? Scan your senses. What are you seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling, or taking in with your skin? (Many people focus on texture, but don't ignore pressure and temperature.) Lastly, what sort of internal dialog have you been running since your last check-in? What have you been telling yourself about what things mean?

The point of this exercise is to practice separating sensory awareness and internal dialog. If you did this all the time, you'd never get anything done, because you'd be paying attention -- consciously -- to the way the light hits the water cooler, the cooler's proximity to other objects, the amount of dust or moisture that has collected on various surfaces of the cooler, the amount of pressure you need to use to press the dispenser bar, the sight of the water level rising, how the cup and water and breath smell and the texture of the cup and water on your lips... you get it, right? All this normally happens in 15 or 20 seconds, and you're oblivious, thinking about the work you did or haven't done or the questionable dating choices your kid is making or your lunch forgotten on the counter at home or whether you need to get any last-minute groceries for dinner...

Learning to notice the boundaries between sensory experience and internal experience can boost your ability to shift between the two, so the next time you're about to accuse someone (maybe yourself) of something you'll regret, you can more easily switch gears to a more productive and resourceful solution.

Book Review: Stumbling on Happiness

2007-07-24T00:05:00.000-07:00

Daniel Gilbert's book ought to be required reading for every college freshman, and for everyone considering a major life change... or where to go for dinner.

Gilbert says we're astoundingly poor predictors of what will make us happy in the future. As we decide on career pursuits, marriages, restaurant reservations, transportation, and what to plant in the garden this spring, biology conspires to make life simple, and in doing so, thwarts many of our efforts even as the electricity whizzes toward those little light bulbs in our brains.

Happiness! Who doesn't want it? But what is it, really, and how do we get there? Are there standards we can use to measure? Is there a blueprint for having more happiness in our lives?

Well, yes and no. Gilbert's hilarious book runs us through the processes of perceiving where we are, predicting where we want to be, and all the pitfalls along the way. From magicians to man-on-the-street, Gilbert describes the way brains sense and organize the present, imagine what will come next (seconds from now or years later), and how we think we'll bridge the gap between the two. It's fascinating and funny stuff.

What makes us happy? Is one person's idea of happiness different from another's? How do we make comparisons between where we are and where we want to be? Although we spend our lives thinking about this stuff, Gilbert illustrates how we think we think is largely an illusion; the brain covering its tracks to save us time and trouble.

With amusing and compelling stories, Gilbert shines the laboratory light on everyday decisions and planning strategies, and yes: He even provides a formula for attaining happiness, which he claims most readers will never accept or use.

(But if you're reading this, you're not "most readers," are you?)

Vision boards and the Portland Pen Show

2007-07-17T00:02:00.000-07:00

I spent some of this past weekend at the Portland Pen Show, where fountain pen collectors from all over the country buy, sell, trade, and admire new releases by pen manufacturers and vintage models lovingly preserved or restored from the 1960s, '50, '40s and earlier.

When I began collecting fountain pens, I made a collage in Photoshop and put it on my computer desktop. The pens I wanted to purchase were there for me to look at every moment I was at my computer. All day long, I stared at those pens, imagining how each one would feel in my hand; what I would be writing; how others would look at them and at me.

According to some gurus who recommend vision boards, I should have some of those pens in my collection, right?

Well, I don't. Does that mean I did something wrong in my "vision board"?

No. I listened to feedback as I made my collection plans. After I created the vision board on my computer desktop, I learned that some of the pens I wanted weren't worth having. Some turned out to be too large and heavy for my hand. Others, although pretty to look at, had flaws that prevented the ink from flowing evenly. Nevertheless, I now have a fantastic collection of fountain pens that bring me a lot of joy.

Knowing your outcome is a terrific starting point. By making your goals visible, a vision board can help you stay focused and motivated. Make room for course corrections, though. Be willing to say, "This -- or something better!" By focusing too exclusively on one factor, rather than the big picture, I've missed opportunities.

Treasure your goals; stay flexible and alert.

The Princess Syndrome

2007-06-19T19:50:00.000-07:00

I ran across Meanwhile's post about the Disney Princess Syndrome. It's not the first time I've heard of this. I remember when Beauty and the Beast came out, and an acquaintance's daughter wanted to wear her yellow Belle costume everywhere: to bed, to the mall, the playground, school; you name it. And when I was little, I remember fantasizing about being Cinderella. She had lots of talking mice for friends, and I thought that was cool. She also had a pearl necklace, and my parents had recently taken me to Sea World, which had an oyster tank, where you could choose an oyster, open it, and see if there was a pearl inside. I stood by that oyster tank as long as I could, staring at the mollusks and thinking about the time and patience it took to make pearls.

I don't know what attracts little girls to princesses. I liked the pearls, the mice, the puffy blue dress, the magic, and the idea of being significant and sought after, rather than taken for granted and shuffled off to play. I thought it took courage for Cinderella to say YES to the fairy godmother and go on an adventure. I suspected there were probably lots of girls who would pull the covers over their heads, scrunch their eyes closed and yell, "No! Go away! I'll work this out myself, in the real world, without your magic! No ratty footmen or pumpkin coaches for me!"

But I digress. Back to Meanwhile, and the sentence that caught my eye, about Mulan:

"The girl kicks ass, true, but in the original legend, she kicks ass long enough to become a general in the Chinese army, one of six top advisers to the Emperor, while in Disney's version she is found out and marries her commanding officer."

When I read that, I remembered Hillary Clinton once commenting about how she'd chosen to have a career instead of staying home and baking cookies. The comment outraged moms everywhere, who resented the Stepford implication that all moms sweetly smiled and twirled around the kitchen all day. And I wondered about Mulan. By marrying the commanding officer, she lets herself get squeezed into a subservient, traditional female role. In the original legend, however, she proves that women must act like men, play by men's rules, and meet male standards in order to be valued.

I don't find either alternative attractive. However... let's look at the language I've used: laden with interpretation and evaluations. Without my thoughts about what the actions mean:

1. Mulan marries her commanding officer.
2. Mulan becomes an advisor to the Emperor.

It's kind of scary to look at the bare, stripped-down actions, and to realize how much of my own stuff I import in order to make a value judgment about the actions.

Symbols typically associate to a single, dominant idea: Red; stop. Green; go. Fence; boundary. Egg; fertility. We react instantly to the symbol's obvious meaning. We can certainly probe symbols for layers -- most contain depth and complexity -- but exploring those meanings requires a deliberate choice to thoughtfully reflect beyond the knee-jerk assumptions.

When I impose a symbol on a human being, I think I automatically invite conflict. Sure, a person can fulfill many roles, but my own conscious attention has limits. When I hang a symbolic identity on someone -- mom, president, princess, hypnotist -- don't I flatten them out a little? Don't other parts of them become invisible? When I go to my insurance agent, do I think about whether he ate a bad egg at breakfast, if his car is low on gas, if he'll get to his daughter's music recital on time? No. All I see is his job, and I want him to get me the best rate.

Sad. Human, natural, and sad.

Also changeable. If I can notice what I'm doing and refocus my attention, I can see the person and loosen my evaluations and judgments.

So. Exercise:

1. Make a list of the different roles you play. What are the symbols people hang on you? Lover, breadwinner, shopper, board member, parent, driver. (Or maybe you want to list a few people in your life and their roles.)

2. What expectations do you have of someone in that role? What do you expect someone in that role to do or be? What expectations do others have of someone in that role?

3. Are any of these expectation ever in conflict? How do you feel when you review the lists?

4. ERASE THE ROLES. Scratch out every symbol. Get rid of those labels! Now, go through the list of expectations. Using Nonviolent Communication, look for the underlying needs. Translate the expectations into observation language using Nonviolent Communication. What actions or behaviors would express those expectations?

Do you notice a shift in your experience?

Enemy Images

2007-06-15T14:04:00.000-07:00

One of the reasons I spend so much time teaching the Observation component in Nonviolent Communication is because labeling pervades so much of our human experience. Labels create convenient, simple-to-use, easy-to-understand channels of communication. If I know something is "cheap," or "durable," or "appropriate," I can make decisions more quickly and accurately, living my life with integrity and aligned with my purpose.

Or can I?

I think labels do help us make decisions faster and easier. They also come with a cost: They can help situations devolve into conflict. Any time we simplify the complexities of human interaction and communication, we risk setting up polarities that divide, rather than bridges to cooperate.

So when I hear about people making efforts to change situations they perceive as unjust or unfair, I always ask myself, "Are they building bridges or walls? Are they separating people into camps of good and evil, or are they seeking to connect with one another through common human experiences?"

I value justice and fairness, but I try to avoid those terms in heated discussions, because they beg the question: Justice for whom? Fair for whom? I think those are valid, legitimate questions, but yelling, "That's not fair!" typically evokes defensiveness in the listener. Few of us can keep our cool when we're accused of acting unfairly!

Another thing I've noticed is that when I ask a person to describe the unfair situation in "observation language," they often drop the "unfair" label and switch to other labels: rude, selfish, disrespectful, exploitative, etc.

When I am dealing with my own triggers, it often takes me a long time to abandon labels. It takes even longer if I try to suppress them. To get beyond the labels, I write down all the ones that come to mind. I let my label maker run wild! I celebrate the enormous range of ways I have created to call someone evil! I try to get it all out of my system... and ON PAPER.

Then - and only then - I start translating into observations, feelings, needs and requests. NVC suggests I say, "When I hear you describe [specific policy, in terms of NVC Observation], I feel distressed, because I'm imagining [the needs unmet by the policy]." Then, I can present a connecting request or an action request. That way, I can focus my energies on the actual situation and on meeting our mutual needs, rather than on diagnosing who is "bad," which will probably not move me closer to a solution with the other person.

It's easy to get stuck on labels, and to think of them as objective, dispassionate descriptions. It's easy to think an "atrocity" is pretty self-explanatory. Yet I've found that when I and others take the time to work out the observation, we begin to work toward a solution. When I and others keep holding on to our labels and defending the "rightness" of them, we have remained stuck, frustrated, and angry.

This is Your Brain on Filters

2007-06-10T18:42:00.000-07:00

I watched a video by Paul Scheele recently in which he quoted the following findings from some research done in 1985-86. (Unfortunately, he didn't cite the study in his presentation. *sigh*).

Compare:

The rate (in BPS, or Bits Per Second) at which our sensory organs receive input:

Eyes - 10,000,000
Ears - 100,000
Skin - 1,000,000
Taste - 1,000
Smell - 100,000

Wow! Pretty amazing!

Now, let's look at how much of that information (also in BPS) reaches the conscious mind:

Eyes - 40
Ears - 30
Skin - 5
Taste - 1
Smell - 1

No, that is not a typo.

Think about this for a moment! Most of the information that's coming in bypasses the conscious mind and goes straight into the nonconscious mind! We're only consciously aware of a fraction of the information we receive about the external world! That doesn't mean we are totally unaware of that information. We simply don't consciously notice it.

This is one reason I love Nonviolent Communication and hypnosis. During the "input" phase of communication, NVC "observations" help me focus my attention on sensory input. What am I seeing and hearing? Who is present? What is happening, in what order? Bringing my focus to these things helps me slow down and notice whether my reactions to the situation are coming from what I'm actually noticing or from a habit, memory, or old interpretation of an earlier, similar event.

Hypnosis, on the other hand, goes directly to the nonconscious mind. When I allow myself to go into trance, I can invite the nonconscious mind to share the perceptions it received but withheld from the conscious mind, not wanting to bother it with a lot of irrelevant details.

Dear Online Salespersons...

2007-05-24T16:08:00.001-07:00

Get to the point, people. If you're selling something, tell me what it is. Tell me what it will do for me. And tell me what you want me to do: buy it, request more information, call for a demo -- just freakin' ASK ME, for God's sake. (In NVC, this would be the request component.)

I got this e-mail:

Hi, I'm J - award winning storyteller. Okay, J. You've introduced yourself... sort of. At least I know your name and job title.

J continues:

Picture this - At the close of a presentation an audience member pulls you aside to earnestly share a story of their own. You have touched them, inspired them. That connection is rewarding, but most often, momentary. They leave wishing they could somehow give their pressing story a voice. You know it's likely this moment will not lead them to perform. In fact, it's likely their impulse will fade as the days pass. I find that very sad. At least I did, until I found Cherish Bound!

So, thanks to Cherish Bound, J no longer feels sad in these situations. Now she feels... happy? indifferent? disgusted? joyful? What does she feel instead of sad?

Or has Cherish Bound given J the tools to encourage people to go for it! Take action! Acquire the knowledge and skills they need to pursue their dreams!

I'm guessing the latter, but from J's sentence, it's just not clear. And I'm wondering what Cherish Bound is. A person? A product? A book title? A program? I read on:

Cherish Bound has empowered me... I can leave behind tools... I can help... At the core of the Cherish Bound mission is the belief... I get to deepen...

More vague, confusing language. Finally, a link to a Web site! I can go there if I want to learn more. But wait! The e-mail continues! Hallelujah! Maybe I will get the information right here, right now, without having to go somewhere else, later.

Picture this... And there's another story about some person pulling you aside to tell you how much you've inspired them, and how, with Cherish Bound you can help them. Somehow.

By now, I know this is a sales letter, but I still don't know what they're selling! What is Cherish Bound?

It goes on and on like that. Picture this... says J, then tells a story about somebody who always had a dream but never did anything about it, but now with Cherish Bound, you can help them.

I grow more bored with each vignette. The characters don't evoke in me any sense of curiosity, interest, sympathy, warmth or identification. They describe people who have no gumption but have plenty of pipe dreams. I don't want to spend time with them. And if J doesn't make me care about the characters, I don't want to spend time with J, either!

All J had to do was ask, in the very first line of the e-mail, "Do you ever have this problem? Do you want to solve it? I think I can help. Here's the name of my product and here is what it can do for you." J would have had me in three sentences... instead of seven freakin' paragraphs that never did tell me what the product was and what it did!

If you want something, justforgodssakepleeeeeeease ASK. Make a request. Don't dance around with stories about wistful dreamers, rosy-faced children, lost kittens... ack! Just tell me what you want! (You could also give me some characters to care about. That includes yourself. Who are you? What are you passionate about? What do you struggle with? What's great about being you? If I care about you, I might care about what you are selling!)

So at the end of the e-mail, I'm still wondering, WHAT EXACTLY is Cherish Bound? I follow the Web link. It goes to J's customized, personal sales page, rather than the Cherish Bound home page. And (big surprise) J's Web site isn't any more helpful than the e-mail.

The site lists features (no benefits) and I still don't know whether Cherish Bound is the name of a company, an educational program, a product, or a service provider. I don't know what it does, besides promising to increase my "visibility, marketability, and profitability."

And even here there's no clear request! Register now for your free invitation to follow the path of a story through the Cherish Bound process. Huh? I'm being asked to register for an invitation? I thought the e-mail and Web site each constituted an invitation to learn more. But no, I have waded now through an e-mail and a Web site full of non-info to REGISTER to receive an INVITATION to learn more.

*headdesk*

The Power of Doubt

2007-05-12T18:00:00.000-07:00

In a recent article on his Web site, Kevin Hogan wrote:

Doubt is the birthing place of careful, concerned and critical thinking.

You must doubt your plan.
You must doubt yourself.
You must doubt those around you.
You must doubt the vehicle you are taking to achieve.
You must doubt the entire process.

Then go through each piece…analyze and become crystal clear on what is going to happen when things go wrong.

Now, I purchased a copy of the movie, The Secret, the first week it came out, because I enjoy Joe Vitale's marketing and PR materials. If he was involved in the project, I was interested.

I am a big believer in focus and staying open to possibilities. But do I think that's all I need to do? That if I focus on something, the universe will come into alignment and my desired outcome will manifest? That if I let doubt and "negative" thinking in, that I'm dooming my chances of success? No way!

I once attended a planning meeting for an event. At one point, the group chose to devote several minutes to visualizing the event filled to overflowing.

I thought that time would have been spent better developing a printing schedule for flyers, developing a list of venues to post the flyers, assigning people to post them, building a calendar of complementary events to distribute flyers... you know: a PLAN. With assigned tasks.

So I got up and left. I went home to work on my plan for filling those seats.

I love The Secret because I need to be reminded that the more passionate and detailed my goals, the better my chances of achieving them. (In NLP, it's called having a "well formed outcome.") But do I think there's some unseen force at work that works to attract stuff to me?

Nope.

I don't see anything in The Secret that isn't described in clearer, more measurable terms with NLP's concept of well-formed outcomes.

The Law of Attraction (I mean, Attention)

2007-04-28T23:16:00.000-07:00

I want to think about a saying I hate (because it has a cutesy Hallmark Cards quality) and love (because I agree with the concept):

Energy flows where attention goes."

Ohmygoshwow! It's the Law of Attraction!

No. It's physics. Performing any mental, physical, or emotional action requires energy. Thinking, exercising, grieving, loving, laughing, walking, working... it all takes energy. So of course, if I'm focusing my attention on (i.e., thinking about) a math test, my neurons are firing and energy is being expended toward that math test.

The more pertinent question, in my opinion, is: How much energy? How well is it being focused? And what measurable difference does it make?

If I sit on the couch thinking about all the ways I could eat better, but I shove potato chips and chocolate into my mouth because that's what I've got on hand, I'm not going to lose weight. If I focus on how beautiful my body will look once I've dropped 30 pounds, but I never get off the couch, my mirror will persist in displaying the same overweight image.

My attention is on eating better, until I get hungry; then, my attention focuses on convenience.

Hypnosis, NLP and NVC can be used to train the subconscious mind to focus attention in ways that serve our outcomes. Steps involve slowing down and noticing our habitual behaviors. Then, asking better questions:

Where am I putting my attention?
What am I feeling?
As I decide how to act, what factors am I paying attention to?
What needs or outcomes are in play?
Will the action I plan to take block me from my goal, or get me closer to it?

Making a decision -- to lose weight, find a new job, repair a marriage, increase compassion -- is a great step. Focusing attention on what you want is also a great step. But without action, attention, decision, and focus won't change anything.

Resolving Differences. BLAM! BLAM!

2007-04-21T09:20:00.000-07:00

In the days following the tragedy at Virginia Tech, I've been fascinated by the battle of beliefs.

Some folks believe that had other students been armed, the gunman wouldn't have gotten as far as he did. The shooting bolsters their advocacy for legally owning and carrying firearms.

Other folks believe this is one more tragedy that would have been prevented with stricter gun control laws.

Each side has plenty of research and statistics to substantiate their claims, each side repudiates the research of the other, and neither side can comprehend the other's beliefs.

I think this is a pretty good demonstration of people observing the same event and drawing diametrically opposed conclusions. It's a phenomenon that happens, unseen, hundreds of times a day. Most of the time, we assume others think like we do. It's only when we stop keeping our thoughts and opinions to ourselves that disputes arise... and we have to collaborate on how we want to live together, what values we share, and what behaviors we are (or aren't) willing to tolerate.

I've been disappointed that the NVC and Social Change discussion list never mentioned the Virginia Tech shooting: not to offer prayers; not to discuss how NVC could have changed anything, at any step along the long path; not to discuss how NVC might have a measurable effect on preventing this kind of occurrence. I had hoped that people so focused on reducing violence would have something to contribute to the discussion.

NVC talks about "Empathy before Education" and "Connection before Correction," and I've seen little of this in the conversations about gun control. (I've heard lots of ridicule, however - each side saying the other must be brain damaged to hold the views they do). I like NLP's S.O.A.R. process.

Portland Story Theater Wraps

2007-03-31T16:30:00.000-07:00

Portland Story Theater is wrapping up its 2006-07 season. *sniff* It's going to be a long wait until the 2007-08 season commences. September? October? I so look forward to the shows. I'm especially enjoying Lawrence Howard's contributions, because although they aren't exactly a serial, there are recurring characters, so each story evokes memories of a previous story. I really enjoy the continuity; also, the slow revelation of history and connections. Lovely and compelling.

Michael Hall Delivers In Portland

2007-03-24T11:44:00.000-07:00

Michael Hall was in town last weekend to debut his new seminar, Unleashed! The Ultimate Self-Actualization Workshop.

Chalk it up to journalistic prejudice, but I seldom trust anything with an exclamation point in the copy. Yes, I use it myself, because it works. But exclamation points always seem a little shrill to me. So does the word ultimate. That probably comes from my writing teacher telling me to get rid of those goddamn adverbs and adjectives and look for some decent nouns and verbs, instead. And my dislike of nominalizations (self-actualization) comes from both NLP and NVC. Nominalizations take a perfectly good verb and freeze it into a vague, static illusion of a noun. Ick.

Despite my disappointment with his workshop titles (Accessing Personal Genius didn't go down in my book of unforgettable titles, either), Hall is an engaging, warm, enthusiastic and well-organized presenter, and I have found his material extremely useful. Once you get in the door, the time flies by, and the processes are quite elegant -- simple, effective, flexible, creative, and applicable to a variety of different challenges. He calls his work Neurosemantics, developed from NLP. I wish I could get more people to attend his workshops, but it's hard to make a case for them when the titles are so off-putting. Sigh.

Jerry Harris's Oregon Tour

2007-02-18T10:12:00.000-08:00

Last night, I saw comedy hypnotist Jerry Harris at a club in Salem. The opening act was a magician who goes by the name of Alexander; his promo materials said he'd won the Portland-area magician's close-up act award. I remember the first exposure I ever had to close-up magic, at The Magic Castle, and how dizzy I felt when an innocent-looking fellow spelled out my telephone number using a deck of cards. Wild.

Alexander did some nice work, as did Jerry Harris. Using props in a hyp show is something I've heard about, but never seen, and Harris had some well choreographed bits with fun hats. I'm now trying to think of how I can use a hat as a prop in my show... Finnegan's toy store downtown has a Viking hat I'd love to use in a skit.

Harris must have had 20 different audio programs for sale. I was impressed. If you've got a problem, he's got a hypnotic solution. I'd like to develop a program that will turn PC people into Macintosh fans.

Birth of an Addiction

2007-02-10T16:20:00.000-08:00

I remember precisely when I became hooked on Portland Story Theater. During their 2004 production of Love, Death & Other Scary Stuff, I had a moment of being utterly astonished and transported - as though I'd just come face to face with impossible beauty, like a Georgia O'Keefe painting or one of those first-snow mornings in a forest that seems like stepping into Narnia.

And Then the Bed Broke, Portland Story Theater's current production at Brooklyn Bay, links these moments into a chain that invites the audience into a don't-miss evening of storytelling that's seamless, energetic, bright, and funny as hell.

Olga Sanchez is ultimately responsible for the theme and title of the program, and the ensemble opening tale frames the evening with real-world whimsy.

Sanchez's closing story examines online dating with similar realism and whimsy. Drama, enlightenment, humor, despair, how an elaborate fantasy of wedded bliss can bloom from a simple e-mail: It's all there. Tightly constructed, with the diction and rhythm of a poet, Sanchez is a jewel.

Alton Chung opened the Portland Storytellers Guild's 2005 season with stories about "lo lo" (stupid) that had me laughing so hard I was sucking on my asthma inhaler for the next three days. Last Valentine's Day, his stories evoked a sense of loneliness and longing. He never fails to surprise me with his range, and this show was no different.

Chung takes the audience on a cross-country plane trip that describes a 20-year friendship at a turning point. As Chung recalls meetings, decisions, and the families we choose, he dips into scenes from memory and re-members them fully in the present. Like Dumbledore's pensieve from the Harry Potter novels - a device which stores memories for later reflection - these are moments of magic. Transitions are generally a storyteller's bane, but Chung showcases them here with the deft mastery of an artist.

In another story, he adds to my vocabulary once again (I owe him thanks for "lo lo"), this time describing hysterical euphemisms for... no, I'd better not go there.

Lynne Duddy and Lawrence Howard have their solo pieces: Duddy adds her own perspective to an e-mail describing how to decode women's expressions, and Howard, in a blend of Bob Dylan meets Spike Jones, recounts a relationship's development and demise in the time it takes to run the Kentucky Derby.

Duddy and Lawrence really shine, however, in their tandem telling of a marriage shared for 25 years. Male and female, husband and wife, the two also elicit a stylistic point and counterpoint, simultaneously telling two stories, one in the voice of a traditional mythology of the beginnings of men and women; and the other in a contemporary voice, memories of synchronicity, overalls and mistletoe, of hippies and cultural roles, of identity, conflict, honor and devotion. Their delivery is so conversational, intimate and generous that you'd swear you were hearing the tale at their dining room table over coffee. They display the expert's mark of making a difficult craft seem effortless.

My only complaint about the show is its two-weekend run... blink and it's gone. Don't wait. Give yourself a gift and add this evening to memories you'll cherish.

2007-01-13T22:37:00.000-08:00

Do you like having your photograph taken? I don't. I hate it. It's boring, tiring, and I never like the results. My eyes squint, my hair gets tired, I start to sweat. Bleah.

But I had to get a head shot.

I called a photographer I knew and trusted, but she was going to Minnesota for six weeks. So I called Tim Jewett.

Tim is a photojournalist who has worked for every major paper in Portland: The Oregonian, the Willamette Week, and the Tribune. He does commercial photography and product shots. His work rocks. I figured head shots were beneath him, I knew I couldn't afford him, but I thought he might be able to steer me in the right direction.

Lesson #1: Clothing consultants always tell you not to shrink from high-cost items because they look better and wear longer than cheap stuff. It's an investment. I learned the same thing goes for photography.

It turned out that I could afford his services, and in retrospect, he's underpriced, because he took so many terrific photos, it was hard for me to choose. In fact, I will be purchasing more from him.

More lessons I learned about sitting for a head shot:

Know how you're going to use the photos. Will they be on your Web site? In the newspaper? 8x10 glossies? Color or black and white? Also, what message do you want your audience to get from your photos? Are you exciting? Reliable? Daring? Tell your photographer. He can help you make decisions about what to wear and how to sit.

Take several outfits. This was Tim's advice, and I took it. Shirts, jackets, earrings, necklaces - it will give you a choice, and choices give you power and flexibility.

If you have dark hair, notice the background the photographer is using. Ask for a lighter background, or for a splash of light behind you to add a bit of contrast.

Bring examples of photos you like. These can be photos of yourself, or photos of others. (Think about those magazines lying around beauty salons. Examples give the photographer guidance.)

GET NONREFLECTIVE LENSES. Light is a photographer's best friend. Reflections can be his worst enemy. I shudder to think how many photos Tim had to trash because my glasses weren't made of nonreflective material.

Don't be afraid of the quiet smile. We're all familiar with the friendly, outgoing expression behind, "Say cheese!" But the quiet smile can express warmth, interest, mystery, and a thousand other emotions. Experiment with it.

Ask questions. If the photographer is using digital equipment, ask to see a few shots. No one likes to have their creativity curtailed, and no one wants their time wasted. If you like one pose, expression, or outfit more than another, say so. Counterintuitively, this actually gives you more choices, because you more shots containing the components you know you want. At the same time, don't be afraid to get a variety of shots. Sometimes, the pose that seemed silly or pedestrian during the shoot may stand out as a keeper later on.

Take a mirror and check your appearance every so often.

2006-12-09T06:02:00.000-08:00

Pet-sitters and vacations: I got home from my Thanksgiving road trip to Los Angeles and Las Vegas to find my cats happy and healthy, thanks to the pet sitter who miraculously appeared when I most needed her.

About six weeks before the trip, I phoned Janice Rizzi, who'd been recommended to me once upon a time. She's no longer pet-sitting - she's now owner of Rad Cat, a raw pet food manufacturing company. (Coincidentally - if you believe in coincidence - I've been feeding Rad Cat to my kitties on the recommendation of my vet.) She gave me the number of her pet-sitter, who was already booked for the Thankgiving and Christmas holidays.

She referred me to Lara Uskovich, who came by and met Garbo and Cellophane, got a tour of the apartment, and watched the feeding ritual, and learned where all the good cat toys live.

I worried. This was the first extended trip I'd taken for years. Lara assured me I could call her and check in anytime. I didn't want to seem like a stage mother, and she had my number in case of emergency, so I didn't call... but I did worry.

I came home to happy kitties - happier than they are when I have to go away for an overnight trip! Lara also left me the most delightful daily diary of each visit: how much they ate, where they were sleeping when she arrived, how much petting, brushing and play time they got... it was adorable.

If you need a pet-sitter, give Lara a call at Buck's Adventure Dogs. (Yes, she does dogs, too.)

On Inclusion

2006-12-02T08:28:00.000-08:00

At a parish meeting many years ago, the rector announced the results of a safety inspection. The beautiful cedar trees surrounding the church needed to be fire-treated because of their proximity. Spend tens of thousands of dollars for the treatment... or endless thousands in city fines... or cut them down. We had to decide -- and act -- within the time limit on the citation.

The vestry (board of directors) recommended removing the trees. The rector asked for any discussion. After a long silence, the rector said, "Well, since there are no objections, we'll have the trees removed."

When we left church that day, a fellow parishioner approached me, horrified. "I can't believe they'd just go ahead and make a decision like that!"

"What are you talking about?" I said. "They asked for discussion!"

"I wasn't going to raise my hand. Nobody else did. I think people were intimidated. It sounded as though the decision had already been made."

"It was a recommendation," I said. It wasn't final until no one objected."

"Well, I think it's awful," the parishioner huffed.

"It's not like they were going to cut off your head if you asked for more details or objected," I said. "Nobody put a gag in your mouth. If you're too afraid to speak out in a room full of your friends, you've got no right to complain."

I was younger then and spoke more harshly than I would now. The encounter lingers, though, even 20 years later. I'm sure the rector and vestry wanted to include everyone in the decision -- otherwise, why ask for input? Could they have used another approach? Most certainly. Could it have been one that made everyone feel included?

Is it possible to "make" someone feel included? Or is inclusion defined by each individual, in a specific context? As a nominalization, I suspect inclusion is one of those things that needs to be described in observation language (what a videocamera would pick up) before any group can come up with useful strategies to achieve it.

Instant & Rapid Inductions

2006-11-19T21:50:00.000-08:00

Howard Hamilton came up from his hypnosis school in Albany this weekend to teach Saturday's class at Apositiva Institute.

Howard is a master of the Elman method and teaches a wide variety of rapid inductions. I think he's engaging, provocative, curious, attentive, compassionate, and funny as hell.

Instant and rapid inductions aren't everyone's cup of tea. I like them because of the overtly kinesthetic techniques that accompany them. The quick depth is nice, too. As Howard says, the shorter the induction, the longer you have to do content work!

At the same time, the paternal style that characterizes the rapid inductions can grate on some people. They prefer a more maternal style. I'm grateful that Rich and Cat invite Howard down to teach their students as part of their course, because it really demonstrates their commitment to making sure their students have a fantastic grasp of the scope of practice they can develop.

I try always to attend the Oregon Hypnotherapy Association meetings when Howard is teaching, because no matter how many times I watch him work, I always learn something new.

Susan Skye's NVC Deepening Workshop

2006-11-12T22:33:00.000-08:00

Just home from the lovely NVC Deepening workshop offered by Susan Skye. Some familiar faces; some new. The West Hills Unitarian Fellowship is set back off Oleson Road in a grove of trees (pine, cedar or redwood -- this city brat couldn't tell). The air smelled clean. I wanted more light, but it's always difficult for me to adjust to the time shift from summer to autumn.

I found it hard to focus entirely on the exercises; I wanted to catch up on what had happened with people since I last saw them. It's always a challenge for me to balance the exercises with the friendships!

2006-11-04T09:16:00.000-08:00

Tyler met me at the door the other night, grinning ear to ear.

"Snowball is SO busted," he crowed.

"Snowball" is his nickname for Cellophane, my 13-year-old fluffy cat. Cellophane is not a lap kitty. Never has been. She likes to sit next to you on the couch; at night, she'll sleep on top of the bed; but she doesn't like to be picked up and cuddled and she doesn't sit on laps.

Tyler had a series of photos of Cellophane earlier that afternoon, sprawled across his lap.

Hmm.

Are there things you (or your partner, coworkers or boss) "just won't do"? Something out of character? Against beliefs or values?

Behavior and beliefs stem from habit. They've been repeated so often that they seem natural. Part of our identity.

I'm not a morning person. I surprised when a shift in one aspect of my life (which didn't have anything to do with sleep, by the way) resulted in my waking up refreshed, energized, and enthusiastic about the day ahead.

I know I've written about this before, but I'm continually amazed, amused, and relieved by it. We aren't constrained by our past. Sure, it affects us, but it doesn't determine us.

Book Review: Beyond Reason

2006-10-28T23:28:00.000-07:00

Book review: Beyond Reason: Using Emotions as You Negotiate, by Roger Fisher (coauthor of Getting to Yes) and Daniel Shapiro (associate director of the Harvard Negotiation Project).

The best way to resolve problems -- whether they're formal negotiations, or problem-solving related to corporate life or personal conflicts -- is to look at the facts, stay objective and dispassionate, and keep your feelings out of the way. Right?

Well, no. It sounds nice, and plenty of people will be quick to tell you that emotions have no place in business, but the fact is that emotions are a basic physiological response, like yanking your hand away from a scalding pot. Pretending you don't have any... that's like pretending you don't have a foot. Emotions can affect your body, your thinking, and your actions.

As with so many other issues, it's not what emotions you've got, but what you do with them that counts.

Fisher and Shapiro draw attention to common triggers of emotional upset and suggest ways to turn that attention into an asset. Reduce the likelihood that the situation will explode; instead, use your emotions (and those of your adversary) to create partnership, collaboration, and respect.

Oh -- and conflict resolution.

Talk about useful: Not only is the book easy to read, well documented, based on research, illustrated with real-life examples, and structured on a progressive list of principles and easy-to-execute suggestions, it's got a cool "Analytical Table of Contents" at the back, so you can locate and review procedures in a snap. (I love this feature.) There's no formal index (my only serious disappointment), but there's a lovely annotated bibliography that not only lists works consulted, but describes and evaluates them.

Emotions can mire discussions in a La Brea Tar Pit of messy decline, but they can also elevate discussions and create bonds of mutual purpose. The authors describe how to prevent the first scenario and stabilize the second. They describe five core concerns that stimulate many emotions: Appreciation, Affiliation, Autonomy, Status and Role; they offer ways to handle strong emotions; they suggest ways to prepare for (and thus avert) disaster.

Restaurant Recommendation: Madison's

2006-10-22T20:12:00.000-07:00

After Friday's trip to Hermiston, all I was suited for this weekend was sleep. But I had brunch with a friend this morning -- how did I ever miss Madison's? Holy cow, what a fabulous meal! I actually had to choose between my favorites (they had them all): French toast, Eggs Benedict, corned beef hash and chicken fried steak. I decided on French toast, and it was amazing, with cinnamon apples and densely whipped cream. Kathleen had the chicken fried steak, and it was delicious. Even the hash browns were extraordinary, seasoned with rosemary (I think) and curry (Kat thinks). I think I'm going to head down there more often!

Portland Story Theater Season Opens

2006-10-14T22:49:00.000-07:00

Anita Bryant said a day without orange juice was like a day without sunshine. Here in the Pacific Northwest, we can do without either -- but don't ever get between us and our coffee.

Portland Story Theater opened its 2006-07 season last night with Who am I and Where is My Coffee?. The original stories, based on life events of the tellers, provide a memorable evening of gentle humor, adventure, and even moments of horror -- although not the kind you'd traditionally expect in October. While earlier productions have featured a quartet, the show's core trio of Lynne Duddy, Lawrence Howard and Rick Huddle tightly sustain the solid string of tales.

In a city overflowing with coffee shops, you wouldn't think finding a regular hangout would involve high drama in a grocery store aisle, but that's what Rick Huddle delivers in "The Fix." Part travelogue, part love story, not one false note, Huddle describes his search for an oasis of belonging -- one of those warm, grounded places where "a regular" can get "his usual." What he finds is both transitory and timeless.

Self-proclaimed "Drama Queen" Lynne Duddy is surprised by the powerful consequences of an 18-month-old cup of coffee she never got. Crater Lake was always a symbol of serenity for me. No more. It's a miracle there aren't two craters there now, after the scorched-earth reaction to a vacation gone terribly wrong. But Duddy also finds -- in the midst of identity theft -- that the world is conspiring to shower her with blessings.

Lawrence Howard's "Night Blues" may not convey the mystic power of John Masefield's lonely sea and the sky, but it rocks in a river dreaminess all its own. Boys on boats have a long and respected pedigree in storytelling, and Howard's contribution to the field speaks of adolescence, honor, and playfulness, and a job well done. "I Dream of Jeannie" also draws on on-the-job camaraderie, but also on isolation, and those situations when you wisely draw the line and walk away.

Who am I and Where is My Coffee? runs through October 28. Future performances are already scheduled for February and April (so far away!). Get season tickets. It's delicious work worth savoring.

Silent Induction

2006-09-16T23:52:00.000-07:00

Today at the Portland Chapter meeting of the National Guild of Hypnotists, we learned a silent induction. I'm so accustomed to verbal inductions -- even inductions with props typically have accompanying verbal instructions -- that I often tend to forget that you can induce a hypnotic state just by saying, "that's right." Using movement alone is something I hadn't considered; as I reflect on my own experiences, though, the arm drop is the part of the Elman induction that always sends me right out. Geoffrey Knight taught today, explaining and demonstrating a technique developed by Marx Howell. It was absolutely lovely. Relaxing, playful, and effective. You could do the process by focusing on any large muscle group, checking to make sure they had no stiffness or soreness in any of the joints involved. And any one of the steps could be used as a deepening technique with another induction. Nice content, and nicely presented by Geoffrey.

What's Wrong with Doing Your Duty?

2006-09-12T21:51:00.000-07:00

Duty and obligation. In NVC, those words hold negative connotation, because they imply someone is giving you (or you are giving yourself) a should.

I don't think there's anything "wrong" with duty. The problem I see with labeling things "duty" is that it becomes easy to disconnect from the values and needs beneath the label.

I saw a documentary recently about New York firefighters on 9/11. I was struck by how often they talked about their duty. There was no sense of should; rather, of privilege and contribution. I thought of the police officers who deserted their posts during Hurricane Katrina, and the health-care workers who left nursing home patients to drown in the rising water. They weren't paid enough to risk their lives in emergency conditions, some said. I remembered the words of a FDNY firefighter who said, "If I wanted to become rich, I would've been a lawyer."

The FDNY sense of duty and obligation seemed to signal values of loyalty, reliability, trust, appreciation, gratitude and mutuality; what NVC would call "life-serving energy," not the energy-sapping, discouraging, anti-choice meanings to which NVC commonly refers when it talks about duty.

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) suggests that when we do something out of duty or obligation, there is typically a should involved that takes all the joy out of an action. As soon as you start telling yourself you should do something, it's an indication you're using guilt, blame, punishment or reward to coerce yourself, or you're telling yourself you "have to," because you have no choice. (And God help you if you start telling someone else what they should be doing!)

If you should be doing something, you aren't doing it. Why not? What stops you? There's something in the way: a belief, attitude, internal or external message, or something else. So how do you get unstuck?

I often make a list of the reasons I'm giving myself for doing or not doing something. You can do this, too. Take a blank sheet of paper and draw a big T across it. On the left side of the vertical line, write SHOULDS. On the right side, write BARRIERS.

On the left side, make a list of all the shoulds or reasons to do whatever it is you're resisting.

On the right side, list all the barriers, objections, dislikes, judgments, and obstacles to doing it.

Once you've made your lists, you can translate each statement into needs. Item by item, ask:

What values does this express?
What needs would it meet?

Use the NVC Needs Inventory for this process. (If you don't have one handy, visit the needs inventory at the Center for Nonviolent Communication.) During this process, use your feelings like a compass. If you quiet your mind and attend to the physical and emotional cues that are stirred up by each item on the list, these sensations will lead you toward the needs and values unmet by duty and met by the barriers.

Once you have translated all the items into needs, you will probably notice some that are "core," central, or most deeply held for you. Once this happens, you can start brainstorming tactics that would satisfy all your core needs.

Does this sound way too simple? Yeah. It ain't rocket science. It never ceases to amaze me how something so simple can smooth out the roadblocks.

Errands (Ugh)

2006-09-02T23:47:00.000-07:00

I'm going to a wedding tomorrow.

I spent four hours at the mall looking for shoes.

I hate shopping.

Communication as a Sacrament

2006-08-19T10:06:00.000-07:00

I co-facilitated an NVC training for a religious organization recently. For me, communication is a holy process. It can unite human beings in an activity of mutual respect and collaboration. It can inspire creativity, growth, learning, relief, compassion and love. Written communication can carry insights over millenia. When I read translations of ancient manuscripts, I have a sense of the sacred: I'm being given the opportunity to share the thoughts of people who haven't walked the planet for thousands of years.

Wow.

Of course, the messages are distorted by my own filters. I read with my 21st-century mind and my 21st-century perspective. I'm limited by my own assumptions, guesses, experiences. My curiosity -- or lack of it. (I remember the difference between reading Pride and Prejudice the first time, knowing nothing about Austen's culture, and the second time, having learned quite a bit more about manners of the time. P&P went from being a total bore to being one of my favorite books.

Request to self: Pay attention to my interactions with others on a day-to-day basis, and notice where my own filters may be corrupting their messages.

Put on giraffe ears!

Resource: Portland City Club Broadcasts Online

2006-08-05T22:30:00.000-07:00

Portland City Club has a weekly speaker luncheon (open to members and non-members) that is broadcast on OPB. I almost never remember to listen, so I feel fortunate that the City Club also posts recordings on their Web site. The speakers come from a variety of geographic areas, from a broad range of specialties, with many different areas of knowledge and passion. Fascinating stuff.

Digging For Humor

2006-07-29T07:49:00.000-07:00

Susan Skye is teaching an NVC Basics weekend, which I'm missing, because this is my only unbooked weekend in five weeks, and I'm wanting to spend my time doing errands, spending time with my partner and kitties, and tending to those things that I sometimes postpone longer than I intended.

I remember how excited I felt when I attended one of Susan's trainings for the first time. She has an academic background, and I loved the systematic, structural approach that explicitly described the interrelationship of some NVC components. There were also practical exercises... and lots of laughter and humor. Sometimes, NVC trainings seem somber to me. People carry so many unhealed wounds, it's easy to forget that life is also a source of exuberance, enthusiasm, joy, laughter, delight.

Request to self: Practice creating humor in "humorless" situations. (Be willing to do it silently!)

Marketing for Hypnotists

2006-07-22T21:16:00.000-07:00

Hannah Martine spoke about marketing today at the Oregon Hypnotherapy Association meeting. I found her presentation exciting and informative.

A lot of people hate sales and marketing. They think it is about getting compliance: convincing someone to do something against their wishes, or against their better interests.

If that's sales, I don't like it either!

For me, sales and marketing aligns with NVC. It's about helping customers get their needs met. What needs are unmet in their current situation? What strategies would most completely fulfill those needs? Sales and marketing is about being of service: helping someone discover what's most important and valuable for them, and then how to make it a reality.

A huge range of NLP processes and concepts apply to PR, marketing, advertising, and sales. After spending 20+ years in PR, I'm especially interested in those uses.

What is Hypnosis Good For?

2006-07-15T15:52:00.000-07:00

Someone recently asked me what hypnosis is good for.

What isn't it good for!

Most commonly, people come in to

* manage their weight
* stop smoking
* overcome anxiety or fear
* build confidence
* break old habits
* change perspective or attitude
* gain motivation
* improve athletic performance
* relieve stress
* improve sleep

Then there are the medical applications, which are reported in the Journal of the American Medical Association and other peer-reviewed journals. Browse the papers at pubmed.gov, and read about hypnosis in obstetrics (to turn breech babies in utero), dentistry (when local anesthesia is insufficient and general anesthesia is contraindicated), and pediatrics (especially for children in burn wards). At a meeting of the Oregon Hypnotherapy Association, I met a hypno-anesthesiologist from Kaiser Permanente. Cancer patients may use hypnosis to manage pain and combat the severity of side-effects of chemotherapy.

Is hypnosis a cure-all? No. Does it work for everyone? No. Everybody has different needs, situations and beliefs.

Will it work for you? The only way to know without a doubt is to try it.

If you tried it once and didn't get the results you were looking for, does that mean hypnosis won't work for you at all?

No. I've seen clients who had an unsatisfying experience with hypnosis the first time, and the second time, everything clicked.

Why doesn't it work 100% of the time? Sometimes people are distracted, mistrustful, tense, or have unrealistic expectations. Maybe they have misgivings that don't get addressed. Change can be scary.

Sometimes the hypnotist isn't a good fit for the client, and the client doesn't know they may have a completely different experience with someone else. There are many styles of hypnotists and hypnosis. Have you ever tried to find a dentist or chiropractor you really liked? It's the same thing.

Needs Underlying Competition

2006-07-08T12:38:00.000-07:00

Back in May, there was a report about high school football coaches in Connecticut facing suspension if they "rout" opposing teams. Coaches say it's "unnecessary" to win by large margins.

I'm curious about what they mean by "necessary." I'm not clear what this new rule is meant to achieve. Is it intended to keep the losing team from feeling badly? Is it meant to shift the purpose, or intention, of the game - from winning to something else?

I have friends who dislike the idea of competition because it creates "winners" and "losers." I don't agree that creating winners and losers is negative, in and of itself. When I was a kid, my grandfather told me, "It isn't whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game." It's been my experience, in the 40-some years on the planet, that "Sometimes you're the windshield; sometimes you're the bug." Peaks and valleys; ups and downs. It's part of life.

Also, I'm better than my friends are at some things; they're better than I am at others. Nobody's great at everything. Does that mean I feel crappy when my friends or coworkers outshine me? Only if I've got a stingy spirit.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Keeping score is one way of getting feedback, which is an important component of NLP and NVC. Am I paying attention? Am I being fully present to the game and to my teammates? Is my energy high? Am I playing to my strengths, and the strengths of others? Is my focus on what I'm doing well, or is it on my flaws? Am I distracted? Afraid? Arrogant? Worried? Am I so "in the flow" that there is no "me" or "them," it's just the rhythm of the game?

I worry that if we eliminate "winners" and "losers," we'll have attacked only the symptom - not the cause - of what we fear: creating a class of people who are "better"; more entitled to admiration, money, justice, comfort, respect, or whatever we value as a community.

I think about Shakespeare, Edison, Einstein, Salk, Steinbeck, Mozart, and all those whose works I feel grateful for. Would I have wanted them admonished to keep their achievements small, because it wasn't "necessary" to excel? Do I want to live in a society where people are encouraged not to do their best?

Waterfront Blues Festival!

2006-07-01T12:28:00.000-07:00

It's Independence Day weekend, time for the largest blues festival west of the Mississippi! If you haven't heard the horns, guitars, drums, and bass booming from Safeway's http://www.waterfrontbluesfest.com/">Waterfront Blues Festival (benefitting the Oregon Food Bank), you haven't been listening.

Saturday is Zydeco Day! Come down and dance! Take a deep breath and smell the BBQ ribs, corn on the cob, corn bread and sunscreen. It's a family affair, so bring the little ones. Wear a hat. Stay hydrated. Stop by Music Millenium's book at take home recordings of the great bands, including Patrick Lamb's incredible Ray Charles Tribute. If you saw this act last year, you'll be thrilled to know that the studio recording captures every bit of joy and passion you saw on stage.

What If I Get Stuck in Hypnosis?

2006-06-24T12:20:00.000-07:00

Fear #5: Stuck. Lots of people are afraid they'll get stuck in hypnosis; that they won't wake up.

It can't happen. It's physiologically impossible.

First, hypnosis isn't sleep. A person can't not wake up because they aren't asleep to begin with. If they were asleep, they wouldn't hear or respond to any suggestions.

Second, some people get so comfortable in hypnosis that they fall asleep. (This frequently happens when clients who have trouble sleeping come in for sleep improvement!) If that happens, the hypnotist just wakes them up the way they'd wake up any sleeping person.

Third, some people enjoy the experience of hypnosis so much, they don't want to come out of trance. If you've never experienced hypnosis, you may have trouble imagining how blissfully relaxed, at ease, secure, comfortable, restful and revitalizing the experience can be. No wonder some folks are slow to emerge!

Hypnotists are glad you are having a wonderful time, and we hope you'll come back for another session or show. We want to stick to the schedule, though... and right now, it's time for you to wake up. It may happen a little more slowly for some people, but it always happens.

What If I Can't Remember What I Did or Said In Hypnosis?

2006-06-17T12:14:00.000-07:00

Fear #4: Have total amnesia. Stereotypes hang on a long time because there's usually an element of truth about them. They appear to make sense. Careful examination reveals their limitations.

Is it possible to have total amnesia of hypnotic experiences? Of course. Look at highway hypnosis. You zone out and have no memory of passing the last 22 exits. Oops!

Similarly, a client may choose to leave the content of a hypnosis session in their subconscious once they emerge, letting the subconscious mind do all the reorganizing, resolving, and recovering, while the conscious mind focuses on things like the gross national product and where to get watercress in August.

This can offer incredible benefits. In her book You Can Be... Emotionally Free, Rita Bennett says that once you have decided to stop using your conscious mind to worry a problem to death, you need to post a NO FISHING sign. The subconscious is lazy. It doesn't like to be interrupted. Once you ask it to work on something, let it! Don't keep stirring things up! If you do, you'll turn into an annoying, irritating nag. Your subconscious is likely to crawl into the back seat and sulk. "Fine. If you know so much, you handle it!"

Forgetting the content of a hypnosis session can give the subconscious mind space to breathe. Not to mention tidy up all those loose ends.

The content of the hypnosis session may remain in the subconscious for a long time, or the client may remember it gradually over a few days. It might even come back all at once, or in a dream. It all depends on the individual. That is one of the wonderful traits of hypnosis. Your experience will be exactly what's right for you

It's very common for a stage hypnotist to suggest volunteers will remember nothing about the show until they are triggered in some way: taking a sip of their beverage, hearing the word "blue," or any number of post-hypnotic cues. Like any other suggestion, if your subconscious mind finds it acceptable, you'll act; if it doesn't, you won't.

What If I Embarrass Myself?

2006-06-10T22:01:00.000-07:00

Fear #3: Tell all my secrets.

Sometimes people are afraid of what they may say or do in hypnosis. The most common reaction I get when I tell people what I do is, "Are you going to make me cluck like a chicken?"

I ask, "Do you want to cluck like a chicken?"

In one-on-one client work, a certified hypnotist treats her clients with care and respect. You will not say or do anything you don't want to. The wonderful thing about hypnosis is that it puts control in your hands. You possess all the knowledge, skills, and capabilities you need to overcome your challenges. Those resources simply need to be focused and directed, which hypnosis allows you to do. Often, solutions occur entirely on the subconscious level. You don't have to say or do anything.

I have had exactly that experience myself. After a hypnosis session, I was puzzled by the way it unfolded. It did not seem to have anything to do with the challenge I was facing. I shrugged, went about my business, and forgot all about it.

Three days later, I noticed the problem no longer existed! It had been completely resolved, so unconsciously that I didn't even notice when or how it happened. I would tell you about the specific problem, except that I can't even remember what it was!

Such is the power of hypnosis.

What about stage hypnosis? Surely a stage hypnotist can control you the way a voodoo priest controls zombies. You may have seen people in stage hypnosis shows doing things you would find embarrassing.

You may also notice, if you look carefully, that other people do not respond to those suggestions. They simply sit quietly in their chairs. Others may become fully awake and aware, no longer in trance. This is what happens if you find a suggestion unacceptable. You may ignore it or wake up.

I love stage hypnosis, and I don't think it's ever necessary to embarrass people. I don't think humiliation is funny. Hypnosis can bring out hidden talents, release creativity, and tickle your imagination. It's easy to build a show that's fun for everyone, volunteers and audiences alike. If you ever come to one of my shows, you can be sure that the volunteers have the best time of all. They'll feel excited and proud of their abilities when the show is over - not embarrassed! - and they'll want to tell their friends about it again and again.

What If I Can't Be Hypnotized?

2006-06-03T20:14:00.000-07:00

Fear #2: You can't hypnotize me. I'm too strong-willed, too reasonable, too determined; too fearful, smart, uncertain, etc.

You're right. I can't hypnotize you.

Three things are required to enter hypnosis: expectancy, an IQ of average or above, and the ability to follow instructions. That's it. But if any one of those things is lacking, you won't be hypnotized. If you go into it to resist, guess what? No one can be hypnotized against their will. You are in control.

A friend of mine wondered what hypnosis was like, but he was nervous about it. I explained to him that hypnosis was a natural state of mind that we enter into naturally, every single day, hundreds of times, without even noticing it. I offered to give him an experience of how his subconscious mind, which already controlled things like his breathing and heartbeat and habits, could affect other areas of his life. I asked if he'd like to try one of the of the pre-tests we use for hypnosis. Although it is not hypnosis, it will give you an idea of what to expect.

So we ran through the pre-test, where you hold out two hands level with each other, concentrate on a feeling of heaviness in one and a feeling of lightness in the other.

His hands started to vibrate and shake while remaining perfectly level. I brought the pre-test to a close and said, "Open your eyes. You can see your hands remain perfectly even with each other, although your hands did respond with some vibrating and shaking."

"Yes," he said. "I was fighting not to let you take control of my mind."

(See earlier post about how hypnosis isn't mind control any more than braking at a stop sign is mind control.)

So if you don't want to be hypnotized, you won't be. At the same time, nothing can keep you from being hypnotized if you do want the experience.

It's up to you. You're in control.

Hollywood Hypnosis

2006-05-27T23:33:00.000-07:00

Fear #1: It must by like what I see on TV. (Or in the movies.)

I grew up watching Boris Karloff and Vincent Price moviews and while I don't recall seeing hypnosis explicitly portrayed, I definitely saw evil wizards casting spells with mysterious gestures, crystal pendulums, and the seductive monotony of the villian's voice.

Years later, in Telefon, I saw Charles Bronson turn into an assassin when someone whispered a hypnotic trigger over the telephone.

Creepy! And it has no relation to real hypnosis.

Hypnosis is not black magic or brainwashing. It is a naturally occurring state of mind that we pass through repeatedly all day long.

Hypnosis means our subconscious receives a message (suggestion) and begins to act on it without resistance, rejection or interference from the conscious mind.

This happens every time you come to a stop light. Do you consciously think, "Red means stop. I remove my foot from the gas, downshift, apply pressure to the brake, take the car out of gear, adjust my speed so that I come to a stop leaving space between my vehicle and the vehicle in front of me, before reaching the intersection."

Probably not. Your foot just moves.

A friend of mine said, "That's not hypnosis. That's a reflex."

Were you born with driving reflexes? Didn't you learn the behavior consciously at first? Maybe it has been a long time since you first climbed into the driver's seat of a car. Do you remember having to concentrate on every move? You had to practice again and again until you could do it with unconscious ease.

You probably don't remember learning to walk or talk, but that's another example of something you do now - automatically, reflexively, without conscious attention - that you had to learn with effort and practice.

Hypnosis is a tool for accelerating that "unconscious competence" and changing your behavior so that you can do it automatically, without struggling, using willpower, or arguing with yourself.

Five Myths About Hypnosis

2006-05-20T19:44:00.000-07:00

At the Portland Chapter NGH meeting on May 13, Floyd Willis mentioned a mnemonic device developed by Tom Silver to describe common fears people have about hypnosis:

MYTHS

1. Must be like what I see on TV.
2. You can't hypnotize me.
3. Tell all my secrets.
4. Have total amnesia.
5. Stuck in trance.

I thought it might be fun to examine these one by one. Stay tuned.

Hypnosis to Improve Sports Performance

2006-05-13T22:31:00.000-07:00

The Portland Chapter of the National Guild of Hypnotists met today, and the speaker - Floyd Wills - presented a talk entitled, "Blending Focus With Hypnosis: Mental Training for Sports and Personal Fitness." Meaty stuff! Wills covered theory and gave out real-world tested, nuts-and-bolts tools, passing along substantial, well-researched and well-presented material.

Wills has been practicing martial arts for 16 years and teaching them for seven. The techniques he taught not only fit athletes, but anyone who wants to develop laser-like focus in any area of accomplishment. These brain-based tools work with the whole mind and body. You can't train psychology and physiology separately, Wills says, because they are inseparably connected in our natural biology. Research shows that people are 80 percent more likely to give up on their physical training goals if the mental training component is lacking.

Illustrating facts with stories from his own life, from the lives of athletes and U.S. servicemen, and from folklore, Wills outlined four components that will move us through the blocks - distractions, doubts, fears - that keep us from accomplishing what we set out to do.

I love mnemonic systems - techniques that make things easy to remember, such as associating letters of a word with steps of a process (MYTHS for the five most common fears that block hypnotic trance, for example). Wills used several mnemonic systems in describing simple ways to structure and execute a mental training program.

I left the presentation with solid theory, and with plenty of hands-on tools. Wills included NLP patterns and hypnosis scripts for use with clients - or with ourselves. The packet he handed out also included a bibliography of books that explain things in more depth. It was a privilege and a pleasure to be in the audience and receive the benefits of his knowledge and experience in the martial arts, and to hear how these techniques transfer to the field of hypnosis.

New Portland Story Theater Performance!

2006-05-08T16:17:00.000-07:00

I remember when I had to wait six months (or more) for a performance by Portland Story Theater. God must really love me, because I've seen them perform twice in the last three months - once around Valentine's Day and once last weekend, for their Mother's Day show: "Everybody's Got One."

If I were the sort of person given to hyperbole (heaven forfend!), I'd say, I wish every storytelling concert could be like this! To me, it seemed perfectly paced - the humor, the heartbreak, the mindboggling "Wow, I wish I'D seen that!" and the cringing "Yeesh, I'm glad that wasn't ME!"

I'm a huge fan of original material. There is something about personal narrative that engages me like nothing else. Maybe that's why the stories of childhood and adolescence had me rapt on the edge of my chair. So often, I hear people telling stories about childhood experiences, and they haven't really gained much emotional distance. The stories have become engraved and enshrined as part of a personal mythology. The meaning of those events has remained the same over the years. In the stories I heard last Friday, the tellers revealed how the meanings of their stories had changed; how their understanding of events had shifted, sometimes gradually, over years, and sometimes in a flash. Wow.

There's one more weekend to see "Everybody's Got One" - Friday and Saturday, May 12 and 13. I don't know when the next PST performance is planned, but I do know you don't want to wait six months. Lynne Duddy, Anne Penfound, Lawrence Howard and Rick Huddle have really put together something special. Go see!

Location, time, and other info is at their Web site, www.portlandstorytheater.com.