Cleaning out e-mail, I found this story about one of Greg Tamblyn's excruciatingly embarrassing moments. I love it, because it really highlights the power we all have to choose what something will mean for us. As Shakespeare said, "There's nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." Or, from Richard Bach: "Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours."
The original was forwarded to me by John Brown, one of the Portland NVC team members. I encourage you to check out Tamblyn's site. He describes himself as a Transformational Humorist, and he's a terrific writer.
CHAIRMAN MAO'S LIGHTER
Ever had a brilliant gift idea that turned out to be the most embarrassing and humiliating thing you could have brought to the party?
At a conference on consciousness we were told to bring a small,wrapped present to exchange as a means of getting to know each other. The gift was supposed to be related to something significant in our lives. After wracking my brains for awhile, and looking around the house, I found the perfect thing: a lighter I had brought back from China. It was a souvenir from the first time I ever hosted a group tour, which has become a yearly event since then.
Ah, but this was no ordinary lighter. It was a solid lighter with some heft to it, covered in bright red enamel. On one side, the imposing face of Chairman Mao stares out at you, totally out of context on this goofy trinket. Sort of like Abraham Lincoln on a box of Wheaties. But the kicker is that when you open the top, it plays a silly (and quite frankly annoying) Chinese marching song, which squeals on and on -- lit or not -- until you close it. Or until the battery runs out, should you leave it open for a few days as a sort of Chinese torture for the unlucky people you live with. In short, it's pretty funny. And it kind of reduces Mao to the status of a cartoon, which I like.
I've given a few of these away to friends, and everybody gets a kick out of them. My brother likes to walk down the grocery store aisle with his lighter held aloft, music blaring and people staring. I think he does it to embarrass his daughter. But I digress...
So I felt quite proud of myself for bringing this funny, clever gift that I knew everyone at the conference would find amusing. That first night, all 120 of us were sorted into small circles of eight, and instructed to put our presents in the middle. One by one we took turns choosing a gift that someone else had brought, and then we took turns unwrapping them. When someone opened the gift you brought, you explained what it meant to you, and so we'd get to know a bit about each other.
But what happened in our little circle was a kind of cosmic joke.
Imagine: out of all the 120 people at this event, the one person who ended up with my little wrapped package containing this incredibly funny, brilliantly clever, totally unique Chairman Mao lighter, just happened to be the childhood/lifelong friend, as well as the official biographer of.........the Dalai Lama.
I'm not kidding.
He was seated just to my left. As soon as I saw him pick up the little package, I felt myself shrink about five sizes. What I really wanted was to disappear altogether. If humiliation was a color, I would have been a bright orange 4th of July smoke bomb, just fizzing away into nothing. I didn't know there would be a Tibetan at this conference. I didn't know there would be a man who, as I later found out, actually fought Chinese soldiers and was forced to flee into exile as they took over and brutalized his country.
All the time we were going around the circle opening presents, I was sitting there, completely freaked out at the fact that I'd brought the most insulting gift I possibly could have, and it was going to be unbearably awkward when this gentle, elderly, dignified, much-loved man opened it. Unbelievably embarrassing. Life-shattering buckets of shame. For once in my life, I'd been just a little too clever, and my sick sense of humor had come back to haunt me. How could I possibly explain this to him? What could I say? Especially when all the other gifts were so thoughtful and beautiful. What would he say? What would he do?
When it got to be my turn, I suggested we switch presents.
"Why?" he asked.
"Because I don't think you'll like it. I want you to have something you'll like."
"No," he said. "I chose this one."
Slowly and calmly, he unwrapped the lighter. He turned it over, and for a minute just looked at the picture of Mao. I can't remember if he opened the top and played the little song.
After what seemed like forever, during which time I would have gladly traded my whole life to be somewhere else, he spoke.
"Oh," he said firmly. "This is karma."
He looked at me with steady, sincere eyes and said, "This will help me remember to practice compassion."
POSTSCRIPT #1
The next morning, I was relating this episode to one of the conference organizers, and she insisted I tell the entire gathering about it. So I got up in front of the group and told this story. When I mentioned who got the lighter, everybody gasped. And then when I told them what Kuno (his nickname) had said, Kuno stood up, smiled and bowed low, and everybody laughed. And right then we all got it that he was really okay about it.
During the week of this conference, every time I saw Kuno he would shake my hand and thank me for the lighter. So by the end of the week, we had kind of become buddies. On the last morning, he sat next to me at lunch. We talked about Dharmsala, where the Tibetan refugees live with the Dalai Lama, and about life in India. I told him I'd always wanted to go there, and about hosting my group tours. Kuno picked up on this immediately. He invited me to Dharmsala, and said he had friends who would handle all the travel arrangements for us. We could even do some kind of a concert with myself and some Tibetan musicians. He was really into the whole idea, and I got all excited at the prospect too.
It's amazing how things work out sometimes.
POSTSCRIPT #2
(A letter from a friend at the conference, reporting how Kuno described this experience.)
"Dear Greg,
I love that you tell the story about your lighter, but you must tell more of the story. The way you ended it made it sound like he was being polite--but it was MUCH more than that. It was huge, and wonderful.
You should have heard Kuno's talk at the International House after the Conference. He began to talk about his history and connection with the Dalai Lama, and he briefly mentioned his important role as a general in the war. He spoke about how the Chinese killed his parents, family members, and so many of his friends. He talked about his anger at the Chinese--so much anger. He talked about how the Dalai Lama told him many times, he needed to make peace with the Chinese, to not hate them, to have love in his heart, compassion, forgiveness. He saw no way to do this, it was impossible, he hated them all to such an extent that he wouldn't even eat Chinese food. The Dalai Lama would laugh at this and tell him that Chinese food is very good and his anger is making him miss out on some very good things.
Well, before the conference Kuno was visiting a site of one of the bloody battles between China and Tibet where he lost many friends. He was at the memorial, trying to make peace, but only feeling anger, pain and sadness. He began to cry. A couple was there, crying also. They and Kuno started talking about their losses, and began bonding. After a while they decided to go to a place for some food and to talk more. During the meal each asked where the other was from, and it turned out that the couple were Chinese! He had thought they were on his side, not theirs. Karma again. They continued their meal together with new understanding. This experience totally changed his perspective.
He wanted to continue healing so he then started trying to get to know Chinese people. He tried Chinese food and liked it. When the conference organizer invited Kuno to be with us, he also wanted to set up some lectures for Kuno in the area and offered to let him stay at his house. Kuno told him that he would like to do the lectures, but he wanted to stay with a Chinese family, if possible. The organizer said that would be very easy to organize since his foreign-exchange student host family lived nearby, and they just happen to be Chinese! (Coincidence? I think not.) Kuno stayed with the Chinese family before and after the conference and had a wonderful time in their home.
After a couple of days with them, he came to our conference and received your lighter. At this point in his lecture, he held up your lighter, lit it, and played the little song. He told the story of getting the lighter at the conference, of all the groups he could have been with, of all the wrapped gifts he could have picked, he picked you and yours.
It was a gift, supporting his new path to healing. At the time you picked the gift, you didn't know about his new found attempts at healing this pain in his heart, but you helped the process and supported his new path.
I bet the Dalai Lama had a big belly laugh when Kuno told the full story to him.
It's a full circle thing.
If I were you, I'd be honored to be part of that healing circle.
And the lesson for you? Trust your instincts. There is a reason for everything. There's probably even a reason you were put in that situation so you could fidget and feel such nervousness--but only you know the answer to that.
Love and Peace to you, Greg,
Alison Sheafor-Joy"
A FINAL WORD:
Forgiveness has always been my biggest personal challenge, so yes, there's a LOT in this for me. Please feel free to send this to anyone you think it may uplift.
~ Greg Tamblyn
Transformational Humorist ~ Musical Laf-ologist
http://www.gregtamblyn.com
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
Affirmations, Part 2
An affirmation is 100% believable.
This is my own first rule and the one least often addressed (to my satisfaction, anyway) in articles about affirmations.
Now, there is a big difference between something being believable and something being true. Something can be believable but untrue (urban legends are a great example; go to Snopes for a myriad of things people believe that simply aren't true.
Other things can be true but unbelievable, like the proper spelling of Cincinnati (two Ns, one T -- you have no idea how many arguments I've had with people over this) or the fact that Los Angeles is south of Las Vegas.
Whether something is believable or not depends on the individual. Some people easily use an affirmation such as, "I drive a brand new Lexus." I don't find it believable, because I drive a Camry. For me, believable affirmations would be:
Now, a couple of these are obviously false statement, but they are believable to me, in my imagination. They make great movie clips in my mind. They crank me up and get me excited. That's what counts. Is it true? Don't care. Is it believable? Use it.
For those who worry about Truth with a capital T, or how it's important to be honest with yourself, well... sometimes it is, and sometimes it isn't. Look how many times we tell lies when we talk to ourselves: I can't learn anything new. I'm never going to lose weight. All men/women are liars. One little bite/puff/drink won't hurt.
Why is it okay to lie to yourself if it makes you feel bad, but not if it keeps you inspired and focused? Makes no sense to me.
You can use the same technique to develop a more positive attitude about things you currently dislike, to make a situation (or person) more tolerable. What's good about that? Efficient use of energy. "I can't stand this anymore!" becomes:
What does this have to do with comedy hypnosis? People often ask me, "Why would anyone enjoy acting silly in public?" The answer is, because they are tapping into the power of affirmations. "This feels great! That would be fun! I can't wait to do that! Can I do that again?" They are experiencing the positive -- in the moment -- in a personal, powerful way.
This is my own first rule and the one least often addressed (to my satisfaction, anyway) in articles about affirmations.
Now, there is a big difference between something being believable and something being true. Something can be believable but untrue (urban legends are a great example; go to Snopes for a myriad of things people believe that simply aren't true.
Other things can be true but unbelievable, like the proper spelling of Cincinnati (two Ns, one T -- you have no idea how many arguments I've had with people over this) or the fact that Los Angeles is south of Las Vegas.
Whether something is believable or not depends on the individual. Some people easily use an affirmation such as, "I drive a brand new Lexus." I don't find it believable, because I drive a Camry. For me, believable affirmations would be:
- I am (or I see myself) walking onto the car lot, pointing to the car I want, and paying in nice, crisp, $1,000 bills.
- I am (or I see myself) driving off the lot knowing that the only pavement these tires have touched is the pavement in the car lot. I'm the first person to ever drive this car on the street.
- I get more and more excited about how easily I'm able to get around to help people.
- Every day, my new car is getting 100 miles closer to me.
Now, a couple of these are obviously false statement, but they are believable to me, in my imagination. They make great movie clips in my mind. They crank me up and get me excited. That's what counts. Is it true? Don't care. Is it believable? Use it.
For those who worry about Truth with a capital T, or how it's important to be honest with yourself, well... sometimes it is, and sometimes it isn't. Look how many times we tell lies when we talk to ourselves: I can't learn anything new. I'm never going to lose weight. All men/women are liars. One little bite/puff/drink won't hurt.
Why is it okay to lie to yourself if it makes you feel bad, but not if it keeps you inspired and focused? Makes no sense to me.
You can use the same technique to develop a more positive attitude about things you currently dislike, to make a situation (or person) more tolerable. What's good about that? Efficient use of energy. "I can't stand this anymore!" becomes:
- I can stand anything as long as I'm working to change it.
- I'm taking steps toward a powerful, permanent solution.
- When I acknowledge and appreciate the things that are good and useful, it gives me courage and energy to keep working on the things that aren't perfect yet.
- I learn something from every challenge and it gets me closer to my goal.
What does this have to do with comedy hypnosis? People often ask me, "Why would anyone enjoy acting silly in public?" The answer is, because they are tapping into the power of affirmations. "This feels great! That would be fun! I can't wait to do that! Can I do that again?" They are experiencing the positive -- in the moment -- in a personal, powerful way.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Affirmations, Part 1
There's a big difference between goals and affirmations. In my experience, they work best in harness, but many people don't know the difference between the two or are using only one.
Goals represent your destination and your milestones.
"I walk every day" has action, but little else. Unless you are in a wheelchair, you probably walk every day, on errands, around the house, office, or school. What kind of walking (duration, speed, frequency) will help me achieve my goals? Which is easier to measure: "I walk every day" or "At 9:00 AM every morning, I leave the house and walk for 20 minutes."
Specific, measurable action.
Goals help you celebrate every movement forward, no matter how big or small your goal may be. They also reveal opportunities to become even more successful.
Affirmations are completely different. Affirmations keep you enthused, encouraged, and inspired about your journey. They give you a sense of hope, power, optimism, and satisfaction. They keep you motivated. Affirmations are the gas in your car; goals are the mileposts.
There are a lot of articles about how to write powerful affirmations. I disagree with some of them. I think affirmations have several characteristics:
Goals represent your destination and your milestones.
- By January 1, 2009, I will weigh 151 lbs.
- By September I'll be sitting in the corner office as the new VP of Portland Operations.
- I'll own a new Lexus by my next birthday.
"I walk every day" has action, but little else. Unless you are in a wheelchair, you probably walk every day, on errands, around the house, office, or school. What kind of walking (duration, speed, frequency) will help me achieve my goals? Which is easier to measure: "I walk every day" or "At 9:00 AM every morning, I leave the house and walk for 20 minutes."
Specific, measurable action.
Goals help you celebrate every movement forward, no matter how big or small your goal may be. They also reveal opportunities to become even more successful.
Affirmations are completely different. Affirmations keep you enthused, encouraged, and inspired about your journey. They give you a sense of hope, power, optimism, and satisfaction. They keep you motivated. Affirmations are the gas in your car; goals are the mileposts.
There are a lot of articles about how to write powerful affirmations. I disagree with some of them. I think affirmations have several characteristics:
- An affirmation is 100% believable.
- An affirmation is true at any moment.
- An affirmation contains a vision of the goal. It reminds you where you're going, or why.
- An affirmation reinforces the beliefs you want to have.
- An affirmation leads you into a new space. It inspires (or creates) growth and movement.
- An affirmation counteracts or neutralizes negative self-talk.
- An affirmation empowers me as the person in control of my life and my results.
Monday, May 05, 2008
Trances People Live
My friend Joe Mitchell, who runs NVC practice groups, emailed me this week. He's reading Trances People Live by Stephen Wolinsky, and writes,
The question for me came up: why trances? What need do they serve in our life?
Trance, as I understand it, is a state where we're operating out of habit, or on autopilot. In trance, the conscious mind is narrowly focused and the other-than-conscious mind is running most of the show. Trance is an involuntary, spontaneous, and hardwired into our brains. It is not learned or chosen. It's like a heartbeat or breathing or blinking. It's just a given part of life. So what function does it serve?
The conscious mind can only hold seven (plus or minus two) bits of information per second. That's why phone numbers are seven digits. Our minds are limited in the amount of data it can consciously track at any given time. The other-than-conscious mind, however, can handle 2-4 billion BPS.
Some specific numbers are here.
If you imagine the Keller Auditorium, that's the capacity of the unconscious mind. Take a quarter out of your pocket and place it on the floor... that's the capacity of the conscious mind.
My understanding is that some specific trances, or trance states, are learned, deliberate, voluntary, or chosen: working, relaxing, paying bills, worship, writing, dancing, purchasing, lovemaking, etc.
I think other trance states are learned but typically involuntary or automatic: worrying and daydreaming, for example. Typically, we don't think to ourselves, "Oops! I'm late for my worry time," or, "I think I'll schedule my worry for 5:30 next Tuesday." We just slip into it involuntarily. Eating, lust, fear, and humor might be voluntary at times, involuntary at others.
If we can learn trances, I think we can unlearn them. NVC is one process for doing this; hypnosis is another. But in my view, we aren't eliminating trances -- we're just choosing a different trance, or replacing one kind of trance with another. As soon as a choice becomes habitual, or automatic, it becomes a trance.
What is the connection between a trance state we choose and our
actual needs (thought of in NVC terms: needs for respect, security,
connection, etc.)
I think trance states can meet needs for
* Efficiency. Trance saves time. Imagine how much time we'd lose on common tasks if we had to re-learn them from scratch every day. Paying bills. Driving. Opening a friggin' DOOR!
* Safety. Ever had the feeling of uneasiness with a person or place? Billions of data are available to the nonconscious mind that aren't picked up by the conscious mind. Just because we aren't aware of *why* we feel uneasy doesn't mean there's not a damned good reason for it. Some call it intuition. If you're a gazelle, sitting around and consciously trying to analyze whether there's *evidence* of a lion could get you dead. Humans aren't gazelles, but the principle is sound, I think.
* Affinity. Trance serves to meet needs for friendship, love, peace, bonding, companionship, etc. If people had to consciously decide each morning whether they were committed to their spouses/children/tribes, the emphasis on impermanence could result in increased social conflict. Long-term memory is the domain of the other-than-conscious mind, so all memory involves trance. Could we have families and friends without memory? Could we have love?
* Creativity. The conscious mind is the rational, logical, linear mind that is aware of present sensory input: Observation and Evaluation territory. Emotion, imagination, and symbolism are the languages of the other-than-conscious mind. All creativity involves trance states. I'm pretty sure that all problem-solving and learning involve trance states, too.
Since you're into hypnosis, I'm thinking that you induce trances -- is that right?
Yes. As a hypnotist, I lead people in and out of trance.
And am wondering if you see a connection between a persons needs, in NVC
terms, and trances that they choose or hypnosis chooses for them.
One of the reasons I love NVC is because it does induce trance. When a person "goes inside" to identify their feelings and needs, that involves a trance state.
Regarding hypnosis and choosing trances: Hypnosis is a way of *inducing* trance, but it doesn't "choose a trance for" someone. Typically, a client comes in because the trances they're choosing aren't working for them (the smoking trance, the food-as-comfort trance), and they want help installing a replacement trance (the smoke-free trance, the food-as-fuel trance).
Here endeth the opinion.
Thanks so much for the fascinating questions, Joe. I'd love to hear what other folks think!
The question for me came up: why trances? What need do they serve in our life?
Trance, as I understand it, is a state where we're operating out of habit, or on autopilot. In trance, the conscious mind is narrowly focused and the other-than-conscious mind is running most of the show. Trance is an involuntary, spontaneous, and hardwired into our brains. It is not learned or chosen. It's like a heartbeat or breathing or blinking. It's just a given part of life. So what function does it serve?
The conscious mind can only hold seven (plus or minus two) bits of information per second. That's why phone numbers are seven digits. Our minds are limited in the amount of data it can consciously track at any given time. The other-than-conscious mind, however, can handle 2-4 billion BPS.
Some specific numbers are here.
If you imagine the Keller Auditorium, that's the capacity of the unconscious mind. Take a quarter out of your pocket and place it on the floor... that's the capacity of the conscious mind.
My understanding is that some specific trances, or trance states, are learned, deliberate, voluntary, or chosen: working, relaxing, paying bills, worship, writing, dancing, purchasing, lovemaking, etc.
I think other trance states are learned but typically involuntary or automatic: worrying and daydreaming, for example. Typically, we don't think to ourselves, "Oops! I'm late for my worry time," or, "I think I'll schedule my worry for 5:30 next Tuesday." We just slip into it involuntarily. Eating, lust, fear, and humor might be voluntary at times, involuntary at others.
If we can learn trances, I think we can unlearn them. NVC is one process for doing this; hypnosis is another. But in my view, we aren't eliminating trances -- we're just choosing a different trance, or replacing one kind of trance with another. As soon as a choice becomes habitual, or automatic, it becomes a trance.
What is the connection between a trance state we choose and our
actual needs (thought of in NVC terms: needs for respect, security,
connection, etc.)
I think trance states can meet needs for
* Efficiency. Trance saves time. Imagine how much time we'd lose on common tasks if we had to re-learn them from scratch every day. Paying bills. Driving. Opening a friggin' DOOR!
* Safety. Ever had the feeling of uneasiness with a person or place? Billions of data are available to the nonconscious mind that aren't picked up by the conscious mind. Just because we aren't aware of *why* we feel uneasy doesn't mean there's not a damned good reason for it. Some call it intuition. If you're a gazelle, sitting around and consciously trying to analyze whether there's *evidence* of a lion could get you dead. Humans aren't gazelles, but the principle is sound, I think.
* Affinity. Trance serves to meet needs for friendship, love, peace, bonding, companionship, etc. If people had to consciously decide each morning whether they were committed to their spouses/children/tribes, the emphasis on impermanence could result in increased social conflict. Long-term memory is the domain of the other-than-conscious mind, so all memory involves trance. Could we have families and friends without memory? Could we have love?
* Creativity. The conscious mind is the rational, logical, linear mind that is aware of present sensory input: Observation and Evaluation territory. Emotion, imagination, and symbolism are the languages of the other-than-conscious mind. All creativity involves trance states. I'm pretty sure that all problem-solving and learning involve trance states, too.
Since you're into hypnosis, I'm thinking that you induce trances -- is that right?
Yes. As a hypnotist, I lead people in and out of trance.
And am wondering if you see a connection between a persons needs, in NVC
terms, and trances that they choose or hypnosis chooses for them.
One of the reasons I love NVC is because it does induce trance. When a person "goes inside" to identify their feelings and needs, that involves a trance state.
Regarding hypnosis and choosing trances: Hypnosis is a way of *inducing* trance, but it doesn't "choose a trance for" someone. Typically, a client comes in because the trances they're choosing aren't working for them (the smoking trance, the food-as-comfort trance), and they want help installing a replacement trance (the smoke-free trance, the food-as-fuel trance).
Here endeth the opinion.
Thanks so much for the fascinating questions, Joe. I'd love to hear what other folks think!
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Portland Story Theater Closes
Lynne Duddy closes the 2007-08 series of Portland Story Theater's season with dark matter, running Friday and Saturday, this weekend and next, at Hipbone Studios.
I think Lynne assembles a terrific collection of stories here. They range from personal to mythic to factual, and they're accentuated by Emily Post, an a capella group that adds background music and sound effects.
There's the mythical story of the Amazonian Anaconda birthing the world through singing and scales (both kinds). There's stories of parents and partly parents; dead, alive, and in-between. In between light and dark is twilight.
There are neighbors and blood brothers. Did you ever have friends who had the parents you wanted? Or did you ever finally meet the parents of a friend and wonder how such an amazing kid could come from such a nasty family? The things that are there in the light are also there in the dark, but our perceptions change.
There's the story of Dr. Vera Rubin, who developed pioneering theories of astronomy when she was young and found it impossible to be taken seriously. Fortunately, she kept going.
There's not a lot of time -- it's a two-weekend show, as usual -- so hustle out and listen.
I think Lynne assembles a terrific collection of stories here. They range from personal to mythic to factual, and they're accentuated by Emily Post, an a capella group that adds background music and sound effects.
There's the mythical story of the Amazonian Anaconda birthing the world through singing and scales (both kinds). There's stories of parents and partly parents; dead, alive, and in-between. In between light and dark is twilight.
There are neighbors and blood brothers. Did you ever have friends who had the parents you wanted? Or did you ever finally meet the parents of a friend and wonder how such an amazing kid could come from such a nasty family? The things that are there in the light are also there in the dark, but our perceptions change.
There's the story of Dr. Vera Rubin, who developed pioneering theories of astronomy when she was young and found it impossible to be taken seriously. Fortunately, she kept going.
There's not a lot of time -- it's a two-weekend show, as usual -- so hustle out and listen.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Book Review: Self Hypnotism, Leslie Lecron
Leslie M. Lecron's Self Hypnotism: The Technique and its Use in Daily Living is one of the classics on self hypnotism. I've read some complaints about Lecron's attitudes (categorizing homosexuality as a mental illness, for example, or saying that only medical professionals should be trusted with hypnosis - a view Milton Erickson shared), but every book (movie, play, essay, hypothesis, etc.) is a product of context: geography, gender, culture, class, year. Lecron's book is a product of a 1964 psychologist. What is it they say in the Twelve Step movement? Take what works and leave the rest. (The key is to experiment first, to learn whether it works for you or not.)
One of the things I like about Lecron's book is the resources he cites for learning about hypnosis and methods to develop awareness, sharpen focus, increase attention, deepen relaxation, and other skills that can be used to overcome obstacles of perception, belief, and habit. Throughout the text, he recommends books and authors and sometimes adapts their methods to hypnotic processes. (Unfortunately, the books he mentions aren't all listed in the bibliography, so you have to flip through the book looking for the italicized titles.)
Lecron's book does seem very dated to me; nevertheless, I like the way he describes working with ideomotor signals (finger signals or pendulum movements) to narrow down the range of past experiences that might be at the root of current troubling attitudes or habits. His background as a psychologist also made the book richer, for me. When I was growing up, migraines and allergies were the debilitating conditions in my family, and the root causes he identifies (repressed hostility and overprotectiveness) rang true to me as an adult.
I recently read a blog somewhere describing someone's Catholic-school experiences and how they remembered their family and classmates dealing with a "cool" priest and a "perv" priest with gossip and vigilance. Later, as adults, the real story came out, and they learned the cool priest was the actual pedophile and the perv wasn't a perv at all, but the overseer hired to make sure the kids were never alone with the pedophile. The grown children reviewed their memories and compared their youthful interpretation of characters and events with their informed adult memories. It struck me how very like hypnosis this was. Like Dave Elman's terrific book, Hypnotherapy, Lecron's book describes case studies of people whose experiences in childhood were the source of adult problems that were cleared up once that insight was identified and resolved with hypnosis.
Lecron's book is definitely a product of its time, but the methods are sound and described with adequate detail so that any reader can adapt them to their own uses.
One of the things I like about Lecron's book is the resources he cites for learning about hypnosis and methods to develop awareness, sharpen focus, increase attention, deepen relaxation, and other skills that can be used to overcome obstacles of perception, belief, and habit. Throughout the text, he recommends books and authors and sometimes adapts their methods to hypnotic processes. (Unfortunately, the books he mentions aren't all listed in the bibliography, so you have to flip through the book looking for the italicized titles.)
Lecron's book does seem very dated to me; nevertheless, I like the way he describes working with ideomotor signals (finger signals or pendulum movements) to narrow down the range of past experiences that might be at the root of current troubling attitudes or habits. His background as a psychologist also made the book richer, for me. When I was growing up, migraines and allergies were the debilitating conditions in my family, and the root causes he identifies (repressed hostility and overprotectiveness) rang true to me as an adult.
I recently read a blog somewhere describing someone's Catholic-school experiences and how they remembered their family and classmates dealing with a "cool" priest and a "perv" priest with gossip and vigilance. Later, as adults, the real story came out, and they learned the cool priest was the actual pedophile and the perv wasn't a perv at all, but the overseer hired to make sure the kids were never alone with the pedophile. The grown children reviewed their memories and compared their youthful interpretation of characters and events with their informed adult memories. It struck me how very like hypnosis this was. Like Dave Elman's terrific book, Hypnotherapy, Lecron's book describes case studies of people whose experiences in childhood were the source of adult problems that were cleared up once that insight was identified and resolved with hypnosis.
Lecron's book is definitely a product of its time, but the methods are sound and described with adequate detail so that any reader can adapt them to their own uses.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Pain
I like slingback-style shoes, but they aren't terribly sturdy. I had a pair that broke midweek, and I was stuck for something else to wear. I tend to dislike shopping for clothes, so I don't have many back-ups.
I had a pair of shoes I'd purchased at the same time as the slingbacks and never worn. They had three-and-a-half-inch heels (I love high heels), and although they felt fine at the shop when I tried them on, just two hours in them once I'd got them home made me realize I'd made a horrible mistake. So they sat in a bag destined for Goodwill for the better part of two years.
I dug them out of the bag, not having an alternative until I could shop for a new pair.
Within two hours, the ball of my right foot was numb and the toes of my left foot felt rubbed raw. I thought about methods of interrogation and torture and decided if high heels weren't one of the tactics the military used, they were dolts.
Day Two was more of the same. By the end of the day, I was in agony. The admiring comments on my "cute new shoes" seemed to make it worse. Didn't it just figure that something I hated provoked compliments from others?
On Day Three, I knew something had to give. I shoved a pair of Dr. Scholl's gel inserts into the toes and decided to focus on anything but my feet. My posture. My breathing. The muscles in my abdomen and lower back. My shoulders. Any time pain drew my attention to my feet, I took a deep breath, looked up at the ceiling, sucked in my gut, threw back my shoulders, and told myself I was strong, tall, graceful, and powerful.
I imagined I was standing in front of a lecture hall giving a presentation with a huge screen behind me; so huge that I had to stand tall or else I'd be invisible in comparison.
I told myself I'd only have to endure this for a few more days; then I'd go shopping and get a comfortable pair of shoes.
By Day Five, the shoes seemed looser, my toes felt pressured but not pained, and I began to regain a nice rhythm and confidence in my walk.
By Day Seven, I was pretty sure I could love these shoes. They were becoming comfortable. By the end of the second week, they were completely broken in, as easy to wear as my old pair, and I really did love them.
Isn't breaking old habits often like that? We struggle to incorporate new actions that seem difficult, sometimes even painful, to perform. Using repetition, positive self-talk, change of focus, setting a limit of "just a few more days," engaging the imagination to dissociate from the challenge and associate into an outcome, strong emotion -- in other words, hypnosis -- awkward new behaviors become second nature.
How easy it would have been to give up the first day!
Pain is a message. Sometimes, it means something is deficient (health, wholeness, safety). Other times, it means something is different. When I use different muscles, learn new information, experiment with different foods, get a new pair of glasses, fall in (or out) of love, or expand ourselves in any way, pain is sometimes a passenger in the experience.
No matter what the message contains -- "Something is deficient" or "Something is different" -- I get to decide how to respond to pain. I can stop what I'm doing and consider my options. I can completely abandon the course I was taking. I can ignore the discomfort and persist.
I can label or categorize the pain in a number of different ways: Use Robert Dilts's Logical Levels, for example. I've known people who lived with chronic pain for decades. Some made it a part of their identity; others made it a part of their environment. Even at the level of identity there are differences. Some made themselves a victim of their pain. Others regarded it (as Richard Bach has said) as "a problem with a gift in its hands."
The best way out is always through. -- Robert Frost
I had a pair of shoes I'd purchased at the same time as the slingbacks and never worn. They had three-and-a-half-inch heels (I love high heels), and although they felt fine at the shop when I tried them on, just two hours in them once I'd got them home made me realize I'd made a horrible mistake. So they sat in a bag destined for Goodwill for the better part of two years.
I dug them out of the bag, not having an alternative until I could shop for a new pair.
Within two hours, the ball of my right foot was numb and the toes of my left foot felt rubbed raw. I thought about methods of interrogation and torture and decided if high heels weren't one of the tactics the military used, they were dolts.
Day Two was more of the same. By the end of the day, I was in agony. The admiring comments on my "cute new shoes" seemed to make it worse. Didn't it just figure that something I hated provoked compliments from others?
On Day Three, I knew something had to give. I shoved a pair of Dr. Scholl's gel inserts into the toes and decided to focus on anything but my feet. My posture. My breathing. The muscles in my abdomen and lower back. My shoulders. Any time pain drew my attention to my feet, I took a deep breath, looked up at the ceiling, sucked in my gut, threw back my shoulders, and told myself I was strong, tall, graceful, and powerful.
I imagined I was standing in front of a lecture hall giving a presentation with a huge screen behind me; so huge that I had to stand tall or else I'd be invisible in comparison.
I told myself I'd only have to endure this for a few more days; then I'd go shopping and get a comfortable pair of shoes.
By Day Five, the shoes seemed looser, my toes felt pressured but not pained, and I began to regain a nice rhythm and confidence in my walk.
By Day Seven, I was pretty sure I could love these shoes. They were becoming comfortable. By the end of the second week, they were completely broken in, as easy to wear as my old pair, and I really did love them.
Isn't breaking old habits often like that? We struggle to incorporate new actions that seem difficult, sometimes even painful, to perform. Using repetition, positive self-talk, change of focus, setting a limit of "just a few more days," engaging the imagination to dissociate from the challenge and associate into an outcome, strong emotion -- in other words, hypnosis -- awkward new behaviors become second nature.
How easy it would have been to give up the first day!
Pain is a message. Sometimes, it means something is deficient (health, wholeness, safety). Other times, it means something is different. When I use different muscles, learn new information, experiment with different foods, get a new pair of glasses, fall in (or out) of love, or expand ourselves in any way, pain is sometimes a passenger in the experience.
No matter what the message contains -- "Something is deficient" or "Something is different" -- I get to decide how to respond to pain. I can stop what I'm doing and consider my options. I can completely abandon the course I was taking. I can ignore the discomfort and persist.
I can label or categorize the pain in a number of different ways: Use Robert Dilts's Logical Levels, for example. I've known people who lived with chronic pain for decades. Some made it a part of their identity; others made it a part of their environment. Even at the level of identity there are differences. Some made themselves a victim of their pain. Others regarded it (as Richard Bach has said) as "a problem with a gift in its hands."
The best way out is always through. -- Robert Frost
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